Vancouver Week 2 - 22 short stories about graham

alright, well nothing big has happened lately but i guess i can write about a lot of little things. and according to my math skills, youre good at math right, a lot of little things equals one big thing. hopefully i can remember all of them so this post is worthwhile. so a couple days ago i woke up determined to be productive and not to be such a bum. i wake up to an awful melody from my new cell phone. oh, for those who dont know, the iphone is no longer because the service for it up hither is too expensive and lame because rogers wireless is lame. i can tell you now that SOMEONE will not be receiving an authentic Bro-Zone Lair christmas card (btw, call me karibbean, no wait, email me and tell me whats a good time to call and then ill call you through the cheap and delicious skype)

anyways, back to the awful melody. apparently the cell phone i got was one from when i was in middle school (1970s) it was a very high tech middle school (fcds private school, it was mandatory for every student to have palm pilots, look it up). so every tone and melody on this phone is super high pitched and atrocious. it doesnt even have any old classical music turned into ringtones. it was just run of the mill, stupid, lets see how high pitched and annoying we can get this to sound, ringtones. well it worked, im up. are you happy? im not. for the past year ive had the well-deserved privilege of waking up to karibbean's hot breath in my ear while he says, "wake up my angel, time to take your throne in this world and be showered with gifts from common folk as you watch the cast of arrested development perform the live version of arrested development in the Bro-Zone Lair livin' room......oh and its your turn to take out the trash"

IM UP!

i eat a banana and drink a glass of milk. i dress my self like an adult and then i hope on my bike and go to the log cabin coffee shop. i stay there for only a couple hours, wasting it away surfing the internet and discovering new ways to use Nutella. i hop on my bike and head east. im meeting jared, the guy who obviously doesnt know any phone etiquette but just so happens to be selling a vintage motorcycle jacket. i get there. sweat status: dripping. "hey man, i know im really juicy but let me put on that leather jacket to cool me off, yeah, thats it"

well, it fit, and it looks GREAT! its the style that ive been looking for too. (leather daddy)

i didnt buy it just then because i wanted to think about it some more. and i also had zero cash on me. so yeah thinking.

i get on my bicycle and head back towards calhouns to "read" (vid chat to thomas and look on every craigslist ad ever!) before i get to calhouns i pass a bike shop that looks "with it" so i stop in. i chat with one of the workers there and he told me about the seaside route and that intrigued my senses. i have to buy something now. it is vancouver and so it rains a lot. every bike i see has a fender on it so i guess i have to "be cool" and get one. i put it on (even though it isnt raining) but whatever, i dont want to put it in my bag, SO GET OFF MY BACK! i get to calhouns but i just stay there for about an hour or so because i decide to become active. i start heading north towards the bay and then i see signs that tell me where the seaside route is (im such a pushover when it comes to city signs, they are so convincing and sleek) i see the bay! it looks so watery.

i follow the path and it goes by all the beaches....they are FULL of people sunning their righteous bods. hot bods.  i dont know these people so i continue pedaling. it gets kinda crowded and the next thing i know, im pedaling right through a wedding. shit, im way underdressed. i book it out of there and continue on this nice semi-flat route. its lovely.

the terrain starts to get steeper and i find myself on a hill. no worries, hills are alright, whatever. even though i dont have a hill friendly ratio on my fixed gear. well the hill doesnt end and gravity is hitting my fat body with full force. oh! a field with a great view, this is a perfect spot to ponder lifes questions and to enjoy the scenery and to think of poetic GET ME OFF THIS FUCKING HILL ILL KILL YOU WITH MY TEETH!

shade rules. thats one thing that i noticed almost immediately when i got to the west coast. it gets hot but its not humid. north carolina is humid. during the summers, its hot and wet. it feels like you are swimming through an obese guys (my) armpit. oh oh is this going to be a refreshing zephyr? false, it is just a fire-breathing dragon that is whispering sweet nothings with his 1000 degree breath as it burns your face. the shade in north carolina just feels dirty YMCA sauna but with less naked old men.

the shade and breezes up here actually feel great. after i catch my breath and rest up for bit, i get back on my bike and make it up the hill. i end up at UBC's campus! awesome, my college is on this campus....ill say hey. silently of course because i dont actually know anyone. i hang out there and read for a while. its nice. now, its time to figure out how long it takes me to get home. now, i definitely wont be going the seaside route because that was super long and in the wrong direction. there was a quick way back. it was pretty easy, it took about 16 minutes. horray!

since i dont know anyone, my nights are filled with talking to dakota (west coast timezzzzz) and watching movies. i just pick movies that i have little to no knowledge about so i can experience something new (i guess thats a new trend of mine)

one movie in particular was called Rocket Science. it was about some stuttering high schooler who tries to join the debate team or something. anyways, the movie was pretty entertaining but it had some really hilarious gems in it and this was one of those gems: