San Francisco - Part 1

well i pretty much rule the traveling world right now.  if cant tell from the title of this post, then you are an idiot.  im in san francisco right now.  well i was hanging alone in vancouver,  i was talking to dakota one evening and i decided to plan a trip down there before school starts because my time would be packed with reading and writing....or trying to read and trying to write.  in other words, dakota and i were sick of not hanging out with humans so we decided to plan an elaborate trip to avoid loneliness.  or not, whatever, im over it.  so i get on the internets and try to research the fastest and cheapest way to get to san fran from vancouver.  

TRAIN! of course, the wonderful steel worm of magic! that will be fun and cheap! wrong.  not only was it not as cheap as i thought but it would take around 24 hours to get to my destination.  so this little engine that could...could go ahead and eat shit and LIVE (live for a very long time in horrible shame of eating shit)

fine.  ill just fly there like an idiot.  so regardless how close vancouver is from seattle, the plane tickets were drastically different because i guess it really takes a lot of energy to cross an imaginary border.  so, as you read before, i found a great little way to get from vancouver to seattle.  so i book my flight from seattle to san fran and i also book my ride with quick shuttle.  and of course, i have to choose the miserably early pick up time with the shuttle.  

i thought that i wasnt going to have to walk in the wee hours of the morning to that pick up spot in a long time but i was wrong.  the first time i was in my suit and thought that was bad.  this time im walking with my full messenger bag and a rolling suitcase.  now, this time i decided not to chance my speed walking skills but rather my stay up all night skills.  i pack.  watch 2 movies.  then at 3:30am, i went to calhouns coffee.  hang out and read the paper like im getting a REALLY early start on the day, what a prick.  and then casually walked to the pick up.  

we get to customs really early but are held up because:

a) their computers crashed

b) this woman*

*ok now we are in a special place in the customs building where all the buses go.  and in this place, only one bus can go at a time.  so, there is only ONE, i repeat ONE line. ever.  well, there was one customs agent working so the line was for him.  however, another agent opened his stationed up and said, "i can take whoever is next!"......nothing happened.  however, everyone in the line is looking at the woman in front.  i guess she is too busy trying to count the freckles on her nose to listen to any direct orders.  the agent repeats, "i can help whoever is next" and then the bus driver starts yelling, "ma'am! go over there! COME ON!".......the woman finally looks up and asks, "who? me?"........................at this point im screaming in my head, "WHO ELSE!! HOLY CRAP SOMEONE SHOOT ME!!!"  but good thing i can control my outer and inner monologue with excellent precision.

nothing really happened with the flight other than i was smart to pack a hoodie in my carry on because the plane was a coooool 20 degrees fahrenheit. (seems like an airplane standard) also (i have to say fahrenheit now because if any canadians see 20 degrees, they would think, "that plane ride must have felt great, eh?")

i land and faithful dakota meets me at the airport.  once we arrive at her "dope pad", as she calls it, i put my stuff down.  now,  the adventures can finally begin!

i have been here for a couple days so i will talk about the memorable moments.  ok, well everything is memorable because san fran rules (great food), so here are some of the MOST memorable moments:

chapter 1 -  buses

now, san francisco must have the best bus/subway system ever because it brings out the best in people.  while riding on these special modes of transportation, regardless of how short the ride is, dakota and i can witness the best of human kind.  there are four specific events that i bring pleasure to the memory department of the brain.  

1)  "someone dropped a phone!......its gotta zebra cover.....ohhhh thats soooo cute...im down wit da zebras!" - all said by one person, couldnt see who but i assume it was this woman.

2) there were 4 teens that hopped on the bus.  they all had shopping bags full of expensive merchandise and ears covered in iphones.  they were hysterical and did i mention that they had to be like 14 years old MAX.  braces.  this one girl wouldnt shut the fuck up.  screaming on the phone for the recipient of this lucky phone call to get her a bottled water! "OH MY GAAAHHH, PLEASE GET ME A BOTTLE WATER, IM SO DRUNK!"  it was 3 pm, a totally unacceptable time for a 14 year hold to split a zima with 3 of her bestest friends, am i right?  this water bottle conversation lasted around 10 minutes and included a couple more different lucky recipients of the demand.  the other was trying to comfort another girl saying, "once we get off this bus then you will feel better."  i wanted them to throw up on each other.  but just on themselves or in their shopping bags so they wouldnt bother anyone else.  ooooor, i wish they werent drunk, that would be a healthier wish.  where were their parents? unsurprisingly, their names were:

-mary

-ashley

-mary ashley

-mary ashley-ashleigh

3)  while on the BART (bay area rapid transit...i looked it up, dakota) there are rear exits that have stairs that go up and down when the doors open and close.  now, there must have been something wrong with the stairs because when the door opened, the stairs did not go down.  this didnt stop a couple young gentlemen to jump on regardless of the unsafe stair situation.  they also decided to ignore the driver over the intercom yelling, "enter through the front only! dont enter through the back!"  anyways, they entered through the back and i didnt think the driver was going to care at all.  however, the the driver walked back and started yelling at these two rebels.  "ARE YOU IGNORANT OR JUST STUPID!!??!?" the driver yelled with fire in his eyes.  the rebels sat silently in shame because the driver didnt give them any other option other than IGNORANT or STUPID.  the rebels, realizing defeat, looked down at the ground (holding hands in fear).  

the driver walked back to the front of the car and with one final squirt of icing on the cake, gets on the intercom and says, "stupid is as stupid does".  driver - 1   rebels - 0

4)  this last one is not funny as its sad.  with a packed bus, there is no way around bumping into people when trying to get to the exit.  however, one woman decides to take out her frustration on an innocent middle aged woman.  "you bumped in my space bitch! just say excuse me, i dont care, bitch, you got a mouth, USE IT BITCH!!! bitch bitch" yadda yadda yadda "bitch bitch" something else was said here "bitch, bitch"  the other woman, just kept saying sorry and was mainly just confused that this conversation was still going on.  also a little amazed that one person can utter the word bitch a hundred times a minute.

like i said, the bus system brings out the best in people.  wow.

chapter 2 - the fishermans wharf

dakota and i wander down to the fishermans wharf to walk around and people watch.  we go into the "old school machines museum" where there were tons of quarter driven machines and pre-arcade fun.  it was really neat not only to see the old school games but to see the big "show" machines that would have song and dance routines or even dramatic and action routines.  pay a quarter and watch the original television?  i guess. i was cool.   i ruled at this machine.  dakota....not as good.  

there was also an old school black and white photo booth but we opted not to do that because WE ALREADY DID THAAAAT somewhere else......twice.

after the machine place, we walked outside to see a one man band.  so we give him some audience.  now, while he was tuning up, he was trying to get the crowd ready.  i try to help him out by yelling, "YAY!!!" really loud and then he smiled and we made eye contact (foolishly).  now, normally eye contact isnt that bad but in this situation, eye contact means that im his new best friend and he can rely on my to help him keep the crowd excited.  so for the rest of the show (3 whole songs), he kept staring at me as if i were his long lost son....or brother or something, he was young.  whatever, it was creepy and awkward.

oooo taffy shop! lets go in there!  dakota agreed (didnt want to argue with a fat man about candy) so we went inside.  i had a bucket in my hand and was filling it up with many exotic flavors of taffy like: chocolate or strawberry.  very rare flavors.  while i was elbow deep in a barrel of taffy (because the bottom pieces are the most delicious), dakota tried to get a picture of my fat ass and by doing so, she dropped her camera and messed up the lens.  it was all cockeyed.  she is sad, i am happy (because of the taffy, not the broken camera) so we left the store.  

me, being a genius, was able to fix the camera by carefully (forcefully) maneuvering (bending) the lens back into place.  dakota owes me a million dollars.  with this victory, dakota and i decide to celebrate with toffee!! we open the toffee and go to town. 

IT WAS GROSS!!! every flavor i got was garbage and this put a damper on the whole evening.  i couldnt get over it.  (this lasted about 5 minutes because i quickly forgot about it when dakota started talking about going to see the Full House house sometime this trip) 

chapter 3 -  everything else

so i looked up where the word 'blog' came from and it is a combo of 'web log'....i didnt know that....dakota laughed at me forever called me names and viciously tormenting me.  shes a meany.  im an idiot.

night 1 was interrupted by uncontrollable laughter.  the HAs and HEs were coming from me because while laying on the ground in my sleeping bag, i realize how HILARIOUS the word sleeping bag is.  i mean, think about it......oh look everyone, im SLEEPING in a BAG! im in a sleeping bag! a BAG! i laughed pretty hard to myself and when i tried to explain this to dakota, the second wave of her hateful name calling and tormenting began.  she thought that i was an idiot.  sleeping bag.

my brother steve, who lives in santa rosa, came down for a couple hours to hang out.  it was awesome to see him (jealous martha?).  nothing too exciting happened....we just hung out and went to some cool stores like upper playground.  it was just good to spend time with my own damn brother.

last night, dakota and i went to an ice creamery near her apartment.  the line was around the block and we waited in it for about 30 minutes.  i kept looking at dakota and telling her, "this better he awesome dakota or im going to kill you."  she was lucky.  i had a sundae with a scoop of coffee, scoop of vanilla, brownie bits, and hot fudge.  it was great.  i told dakota that if i lived here, i would become friends with the dudes that worked at that creamery.  not only for free ice cream (i mean that should be a good enough reason alone) but also they looked like they were "BZL material"

conclusion - 

good times so far.  san fran is really cool.  the food is AWESOME.  special thanks to sf nick for giving me quality shops and restaurants to go to.  ill make sure to hook you up with something special!