My Private Journal is getting good reviews

"Graham Flanagan Bennett is a rising literary star.  Relevant, authentic, emergent, and edgy, Bennett's prose sings in a key all its own.  You'll laugh.  You'll cry.  You'll laugh again, and probably snort milk out of your nose.  Graham's Private Journal is the one place in the blogosphere where margarine and love make peace on the page.  Whatever you do, don't miss the Graham Train!!!!1111oneoneonewon" - Jeanne Damoff, author of Parting the Waters: Finding Beauty in Brokenness

Exams

i have been more or less AWOL due to the amount of school work that has been "dealt with" this past couple weeks.  its almost 8pm on thursday night and i have my last exam tomorrow at 1pm.  i dont feel like studying very much tonight because my brain is dead and i just finished my 70th donut in 48 hours.  every ounce of energy that my feeble fat body produces goes straight to my brain so ive lost all sense of simple bodily functions and normalcy.  to be honest, i just erased my last word and replaced it with 'normalcy'.  my original word was going to be 'regularities' which might spark some particular issues/images in what that word entails.  so i opted out of it because i didnt want all my galfriends asking questions like if i was "irregular" or even out of the "Forever Living On as Women in Synchronization" or F.L.O.W.S for short.

now before you berate me of my quote on quote inappropriate claims of women synchronizing....please understand that a) ITS TRUE!!! i think....but thats what i hear and b) im pretty much out of my mind now soooo deal with it.  ok, maybe its inappropriate for a male to talk about that sort of "lady issue" but whatever, that F.L.O.W.S thing was funny and "cute and clever". 

i have to quote "cute and clever" out of respects to karibbean's little brother because when he was about 9 years old, his class was learning vocabulary and one of the words was 'vile'.  and this conversation occurred later that day:

girl (probably a mean one):  "hey zach, you are vile"

zach:  "if by vile, you mean cute and clever, then yes, yes i am vile"

BOOM! he rules

i have noticed that exam week brings out the best and worst out of people and sometimes both.  ill give you my exam schedule so you get a feel for what my week was like:

wednesday 1pm - old testament foundations

thursday 2:30pm - christian thought and culture

friday 1pm - hebrew

for the past two weeks have been studying/reading HARD.  there really has been no time to fury dance at night so all the macdonalds and tim hortons have all got to OMG my ass.  apparently no one told me that hours in the library do NOT equal hours in the gym.  this was news to me and let me tell you....ive paid the price.  the price of PREPPING MYSELF FOR ULTIMATE NORTH CAROLINA GLUTTONFESTS!!!  darius....prepare pretzel town...the mayor is coming back.

this has been a reoccurring theme:  me interrupting myself with NC excitement.  I. AM. TITILLATED!

ok, back to the best and worst of people.

today my good friend luke exemplified both of these all in one day.  i saw that exam week has affected him positively but also has made him lose his mind and make 'uncommon' decisions.  i say 'uncommon' because i tend to make irrational choices and love abnormality so its really not up to me to condemn an action that the common person would find "strange"

so as it were, luke is in a full suit..charcoal 3 button suit, off white shirt (with cufflinks, not classless buttons) and a purple tie (thick, modern, sleek).  some might think this was normal and maybe even sub-par but you really need to know that luke usually looks like a mix between this guy and this guy.  and also, he never really dresses up, so to see him looking premium and ready for a GQ photo shoot (pre underwear photo shoot) is a pleasant delight and a rare of male sunshine in the cloudy days.  

now then comes the worst...

20 minutes before the CTC exam starts today i ask him if he was ready.  he said, "yes" and continued walking along....away from class...

"where are you going", i asked (as if we DIDNT have a final exam in 20 minutes!)

as luke turns to me with an expression of total serenity and confidence he promptly responds, 

"im going to get a martini"

"oh"

but hey, i cheese toast with sugar...so whatever floats your boat, right?

one thing that i did want to happen was the following:

luke ordering a martini, realizing that he wouldnt be able to finish it (in an enjoyable) time and asking the bartender for a to-go cup... then taking the exam in a full suit, styrofoam martini class, montblanc pin, and yelling snooty and snide remarks the entire exam.   such as:

"you call this (italics 'this' to show target of sarcastic tone) an exam?!? its more like finding out that you are more upset by spilling rare merlot on your italian suit pant1 than discovering your wife's affair with the co-founder of a multi-billion dollar company, am i right!?!?"

"oh yeah, co-founder....of a multi-billion dollar company.....right? purchase happiness? thank you please!"

no one understands those type of remarks but still, two types of laughter arises in response.  one) pity laughter because they just feel sad for the guy and 2) genuine laughter (not for the incomprehensible remarks, but rather because his forehead vein swims through his hair plugs like a champion dog through the weave poles)

the exam went well i think.  we had to HANDwrite, i repeat HANDwrite and essay.....what are we? CAVEMEN? this is ridiculous.  i demand some sort of gift/cookie/anything to ease the pain of writing with my own pencil instead of typing like a real American.  as i was proofreading (yes, i do that now, grad school baby), i realize how AWFUL my handwriting is.  i mean, not only does is it not legible, but it just looks stupid.  my tutorial professor's handwriting on the other hand, is how do you say in english, totally sexy fun awesome times.  i got my research paper back and flipped back to read the comments (gotta B+ whatever im over it, suck it early scholasticism!) and to my delight was the COOLEST handwriting ever! well, maybe not ever, but it was really awesome.  aesthetically, it was awesome.  however it took a good 2 minutes for me to read the first word...which was INTERESTING!!!  yeah, he thought i wrote an interesting paper, again, whatever, im over it.

so i feel sorry for the TAs that grade the CTC exams because it will take them forever to read mine...probably leading them to get pissed and giving me a B (because my last name starts with a B wink wink and i like bologna)

do i?

______________________________________

future conversation with my editor:

dakota: "hey graham, you put 70th donut....did you mean 7th donut?"

me: "no"

north carolina -> four days.  get ready.

_____________________________________________________

1 - it is a singular pant because it is one article of clothing.  not pants.  "but there are two legs" so what, there are two arms to my shirt but its still a shirt not shirts

Excuse me, I'm going to have to speak to Tim Horton!

as i'm walking up 19th ave towards dunbar st. i get the sudden urge to sing while i walk.  at the moment, pedro the lion's song, I DO, is playing in my ears (via ipod woot).  the song is great and i am only hoping someone is listening.  look up the lyrics please.  

where am i going?  oh, well its 9pm and i havent eaten dinner yet so with a pocket full of quarters, im walking towards tim hortons.  as im envisioning the turkey bacon club combo, my mouth begins to water and my body turns into a ravenous lion as if to prey on an unsuspecting zebra.  

in reality this means: i start drooling on myself and rubbing my belly as tim hortons (who has been pre-warned to prep the store by padding the corners and evacuating the women and children) is more than expecting me.

i walk in ready to party when i notice a line....bummer.

then i notice a hefty man at the register who is having some "serious issues" about his bill.

man - "whoa whoa wait, how is this 13.88!!???"

clerk - "well, its 13.22 sir"

man - "whatever! i got 2 combos! 4.10 plus 4.10, and how is that 13.88!!??"

man - "just give me the receipt....ill call the store and fix it myself!"

clerk - "this new receipt or the original one"

man - "THE ONE THAT THERE DAMMIT WHATEVER COME ON THERE THAT RECEIPT 13.88"

man - "the receipt with the 2 combos!............ oh and i got a ice capp................oh yeah, and i got this....." (so i think he finally understood where is 13.22 came from but was too far into it to quite)

clerk - just staring at him at this moment

guy in line - "hahahaha"

man - looking at guy in line as if they were on the same team and giving him the look like, "yeah, do you believe this clerk, this is ridiculous, we should hang out sometime and take steroids"

guy in line - "oh no, im not laughing at her....im laughing at you!" (pointing at man for ultimate clownage)

me - "HAHAHAHAHA YES!"

man - now looks at me

me - "oh, dont worry, im just laughing at what he (guy in line) said

FINALLY!!

i get too order and i get the turkey bacon club combo (as stated before)

turkey bacon club sub (with honey mustard....screw you eva, its delicious!)

choice of donut......canadian maple this time, yes please pipers

can of pepsi.......pepsi really just isnt as good as COCA-COLA CLASSIC 

i needed this fuel for exams are coming up and im kinda worried.  there is so much information that my brain is about to explode.  so i am off to continue my millions and millions of pages of readings of the books

Two Days In A Row!!

yeah, thats right...posting two days in a row.  what are you going to do?  call the cops!?!? dont make me laugh.  (he he he....maybe a little girly giggle)  BUT THATS IT!

anyways, canada doesnt even have cops!  i can jaywalk all i want AND NO ONE IS GOING TO STOP ME!!  suckers.  i dont even care, im over this like when jeffron is over the world (when hes skydiving) 

or 

like zach is over 'call of duty' when he gets bozoed1 by darius

or 

like kalib is over me by getting a new girlfriend (this is bullshit....get ready for the fury fight of a lifetime over christmas break "tree-dog!!")

or

like cobra is over american politics when they apparently withdrew the "necessary rule" of having awesome facial hair to be president.  "but but but obama has a great smile..."  I DONT CARE!! chester a. arthur DIDNT NEED to smile!!

anyways, the purpose of this post is to share "Photos by Darius".  well not all of them because there are a lot.  however, ill just share the ones chosen.

these were taken before i moved to canadaland.  before i moved, i was interning HARD at my church in raleigh.  so as a going away gift, i wanted to give my bosses a nice 11" x 15"ish portrait of me for their offices.  so i commissioned the infamously progressive photographer Darius for the epic job.  after weeks of preparation and massaging each other's brains for ultimate creativity...our brains finally made love and our intellectual offspring took over the project and created these pictures:

for matt

for rob

for nate

for tyler

the rest can be viewed by clicked the link in the "Photos by Darius" above.

____________________________

1  "bozoed"  is the new "clowned"

As I'm sitting here

eating the official food of the Bro-Zone Lair, i realize that this is the best opportunity for a little bloggy journal update.  i havent written a substantial post in quite some time and im quite jealous of mr. cobra's zeal and rapid fire posting.  but i am 100% positive that all the jealousy with transferred from me to him once he views the "official food" picture and sees that it is a delicious platter of ants on a log (prepared and devoured by yours truly)

i think there is peanut butter on my keyboard though...

my grad school is interesting because for one of the assignments, we were to do a "creative diagrammatic summary" of either: exodus, samuel, or job.  the reason for this grad school crayon activity is so that we get to do something other than write papers.  this is right up my alley because to quote my 11th grade english teacher, "you're just not a good writer"....so i will exceed with my artistic interpretations.

the project was to be limited to 2 pieces of paper...and we had to portray the structure, sub-structure, themes, sub-themes, etc ALL IN A CREATIVE WAY.

i chose the book of job.  because its awesome and my idea to present it was supremium!

unfortunately i turned it in without getting a picture of it.  im an idiot.  however, i can still explain what i did and then ill post the whole thing later.

well, job apparently found out about the internets (specifically the facebooks) and created a profile for himself.  (again, not a real profile, just one on the papers....so dont go searching for Job on the facebooks)

Job had a profile picture, information, notes, gifts....and most importantly he had a extensively filled wall.

all the different sections of the books structure was marked off by status changes:

JOB is suffering

JOB is talking to his three "genius" friends

JOB is listening to Elihu

JOB is talking to God

JOB is redeemed!

all the wall posts were all the discussions from his friends.  lets meet the players:

so pretty much if i dont get like 200% and $1000 on this assignment then im going to destroy life and eat everything.

regardless of the grade, i really enjoyed re-reading Job and thoroughly studying it...its such an awesome (and brutal) book.  

NEXT:

well last night was a party (and i went to it).  the theme of this party was "Bollywood" and apparently i didnt know what that meant because i dressed like aladdin....aladdin in the 21st century of course.  i made aladdin pants out of my bed sheet and my shoes were totally awesome.  "thats what they looked like back then!!" i kept yelling as my friend matt tried to explain that ancient egypt had nothing to do with this party.  whatever, i looked great.  

after the party, laura, michelle, gini, eva, and i (thats right, girls night out!)  went to tim horton's after the party.  gini (mamma g, virg), eva (baby feminist spice), and i went inside to get some yum yums.  laura (too lame) and michelle (too classy) stayed in the car.  as we were waiting in line, i start to hear chatter about my attire from a group of young partiers.  

me - "im aladdin!" (as i start to dance)

group - "OMG LOOK AT HIS SHOES!!!"

me - "well, yeah, how else would i steer my magic carpet?"

after the "high" of witnessing the true aladdin, one of the human female partiers proceeded to "fall asleep" in a tim horton "chair".  laura and michelle later told us that they were thoroughly entertained with the situation in tim hortons that night.  i had fun.  the partiers had fun.  eva hated her turkey/bacon sandwich because it had honey mustard on it BUT SHES FOOLISH BECAUSE HONEY MUSTARD IS THE DANK BANK!  gini was wanting to enjoy her hot chocolate but according to tim horton, "chocolate drank" should only be consumed at boiling temperatures.  as for me....I KILLED MY APPLE JUICE AS IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT or if BZL pledging was back in full force!  yum goody yay!

well tomorrow (monday) marks the first day of READING WEEK!!!!!! YAAAAYY!!

however, unlike the first reading week, im going to be DISCIPLINED and WAKE UP EARLY to read and work because i have so much work that my face is melting off just thinking about it.  i feel like i have to read the entire old testament in one week.  also, my insides are crying when i think of hebrew...im so far behind that its not even funny!  unless its not happening to you, then its HILARIOUS!  soooo feel free to make fun of me and laugh at my expense.....ill eat you.

however, mornings and afternoons will be dedicated to studying but i definitely want to take the advantage of no school for a week to explore the vast and wonderful city of vancouver.  i want to be on an adventure every night! IT WILL BE AMAZING!  ill walk around all the parts of the city and try to tap into the premium night life of dance-offs, rap battles, and cinnamon roll eating contests!  

no longer will i settle for 3 movies a day!  (although that does sound awesome)  

OH!  i just remember that since i dressed like aladdin for that party...i really want to have a party (not at my place) where the theme is that you dress up like your favorite disney character.  mine of course would be from disney's robin hood.  ill let you guess which one id be.   

so yeah, someone have this party.  and ill bring a plethora of milks and oreo cookies.  

Fun in the Atrium

the amount of effort and energy it takes for a toddler to climb into a chair is absurdly excessive and ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL!!

Locust - update

Have Heart

Have Heart: this band has filled my nubile ears for a couple weeks now. i really enjoy this hardcorey hardcore band from boston. the song "bostons" has given me great feelings in my body while i dance to the bus stop and yell the lyrics in the library. speaking of the library...im there a lot. all the time. reading and reading and partying HARD. my research paper is due wednesday so i have been diving my cute little nose in the stacks of the regent library like kid in a candy shop (which is actually a little less rambunctious than me in a candy shop)

so my desk is piled high with books about the eucharist. specifically what the theologians from the early scholastic period thought. apparently this eucharist issue (and all its meanings) was hot topic for debate and discussion in the 11th and 12th century. so as im reading about berengar, peter lombard, anslem, guibert, gerhoh, peter comestor and others, my head fills with so many amazing thoughts and perspectives on this single little sacrament. a lot of those theologians were influenced by the early fathers like augustine but also used platonic and aristotelian ideas to express their points. very interesting.

speaking of augustine and this sorta goes back to my original thought on have heart BUT augustine would be the greatest hardcore vocalist EVER!!! especially reading his masterpiece, "confessions", all i think about is making a hardcore band and just getting up to scream his book.

so the whalewatchers video was a success! im really happy with the way it turned out and i think everyone really enjoyed it. special thanks to iain and suzie for helping me film AND providing me with premium presence in the video. if suzie wasnt able to do it, i would have just substituted "graham chasing a girl" to "graham chasing an ice cream truck". the latter would actually have been more believable. maybe next time. maybe ill do an Advent music video and at the end, i would flip over the ice cream truck, destroy the driver, and eat EVERYTHING!!!!!!111onewon

oh, and i talked to my mom earlier this week and she said she loved the video (especially since there was a girl in it).  however, her hopes were crushed and her heart was broken when i had to let her know that suzie was married to iain.  and in a desperate attempt to save her hopes, she asked about the girl that i "made out with".  she was bummed out again when i told her that the margarine make out session was also a made up story.  sorry mom.

im really glad that my macbook camera provided superior quality for the music video. Apple should just go ahead and give me a million dollars for creating a masterpiece on their iMovie. which brings me to my top 2 career choices at this time:

1) film maker who is limited to using the iMovie

2) corporate jester

now before you(dad) tell me im an idiot-boy, let me explain...

as a film maker, i would create artistic representations of real life by capturing every emotion that a human being experiences and because of Apple's wealth, i would be guaranteed like a billion dollar pay check (a week) so i would limit myself to be the #1 representative for iMovie and other Apple products. my sound engineer/producer would be darius on garageband. and with this billion dollar pay check (a week), i would be able to redistribute the wealth so that there would be no more homelessness and hunger. snack packs and luxury shacks for all! (ok, well maybe houses but houses didnt rhyme with snack packs)

as a corporate jester, i would turn miserable lives into HAPPY lives. we are always told that we need to pursue our dreams and if we arent happy with our jobs, then we are dumb....but i think thats a little unrealistic because most people will have to have a mundane job in the corporate place to support their family. well this gets into the STUPID notion that peoples lives are defined by their jobs but i wont get into that right now. im here to explain my idea for the corporate jester. so for those that have sacrificed their quote on quote dreams to work a mundane job 8 hours a day so that they can support their family and feed their kids, well THEY deserve some delicious services from graham bennett. sorry jonas, not that kind of services....go take a bath....siiiiiiiiinner.

i will go into the corporate skyscraper just like any other accountant/analyst/economist/computer person/etc, except my job will be going to every floor, and every cubicle to form friendships and to entertain. i will raise spirits like a yeast raises the bread (except i wont smell like a subway sandwich restaurant....again). now, people will think that i would be distracting the workers and that the company will fail because of my irresponsibility but i dont know how to put this but THEY ARE IN THE WRONG! because of my carefree spirit, skillful joke delivery and ability to connect with EVERYONE, these corporate robots that once hated their 8 hour mundane jobs, will now be alive and happy to come to work. production and efficiency would increase BY A MILLION PERCENT!! for those who think that lame "team building" exercises build morale, they need to be slapped. by my foot. true friendships and the jokes that follow will only spark true morale.

and i may have another agenda as well. we all know that the corporate paycheck distribution is not ideal. the fat cats on top who are more than likely there by corrupt politics are taking in the majority of the monies while the rest of the company (the ones actually doing the work) arent getting what they deserve. SOOOOOOO after being there for a while, i would some how jester my way into the company bank account's panties and then ROBIN HOOD FTW!!!

OR better option would be to form relationships with those fat ass cats on the top floor (i would be accepted because of my girth alone) and share Jesus with them so that their hearts would change and they would be doing the redistribution themselves. THAT WOULD ALSO BE FTW!


SO, my goals for life are finding myself in the position to:

1) be a disciple of Christ
2) make people laugh

all other things are just minor details.

im also getting back into art:

It's Come to My Attention

im a real boy.

The Whalewatchers - Pretty Money

just something i put together for some buddies in north carolina.

OMG NINE DAYS!

so according to my korean friend (who is currently in korea) told that its been 9 days since my last post.  annyong.  so i guess im due to write in this thing.  however i dont have ample battery life in my computer for me to really devote quality time to this post.  so ill try my best to write all the "important" things before i am cut off.  no, im not going to plug my computer in...just shut up!

NINE DAYS!

a lot has happened in nine days and it going to take sooooo much effort in remembering all the steamy details.  ill start with the things that i missed from my last post.  i remembered later that i had forgotten to add a very KEY MOMENT.

iain, suzie, and i were hanging out and they told me about a haunted house around the corner from their (better than mine) basement apartment.  after we consume the best lasagna in the world (THANKS SUZIE!) we started heading towards the house.  on the way, iain was explaining that they came across this house in the "building" stage....some guy just putting stuff in his yard.  oh great.  stuff in the yard....im so excited.

however, as we near the house, screams of frightened humans filled our anticipating ears.  we get to the house and i see the most absurd thing ever.  this family has turned their entire front yard into an enclosed house of doom.  

now, i can feel the skepticism through the internetz but i assure you....this was professional.

we enter (free woot woot) and enter a small room that was filled to the brim of horror/halloween decorations and "dead" things.  ooooo scaryyyyy (please)

then things turned for the worse and iain, suzie, and i were screaming/grabbing each other/crying/and urinating ourselves. (not necessarily in order)

there was room after room with endless themes and "workers" dressed up in costumes and scaring the shit our of you.  this was by far the best haunted house ive ever been to.  this enclosed house of death included ALL the front AND back yard.  IT WAS HUGE and you had no idea what was a fake person or a real person waiting to scare you.  it was awesome.  the pattern of screams to laughs was great.  ( i got my ab workout for the year)

and canadians arent messing around...every haunted house ive been to before, the "scary demons" werent allowed to touch you.  in canada? false.  right when i thought, ohhh if wont be scary, they will say boo and thats it.....HOLY CRAP THIS DEMON IS YELLING AT ME AND AND GRABBING ME HELP HELP HEEEELLLPPPP!!!! 

it was so awesome.  i cant wait to go back.

NEXT!

ive discovered something great.  AND it fits perfectly with my grad school....

http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Main_Page

oh yes.  the whole bible is translated for you kitty kats.  some of my favorites:

JOB 38:1

Ceiling Cat startz tokking an wont shuddup

1 And teh Ceiling Cat sez in teh windz:
2 "OMG, WTF iz u sayinz? u iz a noob!

EZEKIEL 23:20

20 She liekd teh guys with teh big dixxxes... teh RLY big uns, like donkeys LOL... and massiv cumbuckits like horse

nooooooow im learning!

NEXT!

see now im pissed that ive waited so long because ive forgotten everything.  im dumb.

oh wait.

i hiked up a mountain sunday.  and then we went back down just to go back up another peak.  it was good though.  laura, virg, dan (karibbean's camp crush), and myself met up at dans house at 7am.  early.  we drive to THE CHEIF because we were going to show it whos boss.  

the climb was super awesome and was just pretty much a steep rock staircase the entire way up.  once we got to the top, the view was PREMIUM.  i could see north carolina!!! so i tried to spit on it.  however, the wind sent it right back and it hit me in the face.  i guueeessssss i deserved that.  

side note:  i miss north carolina.  it rules.  the people rule.  the food rules.  the end.

i was exhausted after the hike so my body is currently on broken mode right now.  and apparently i used my left leg 80% of the time because it is SO SORE.  quads.

OH! 

halloween party is this friday and my costume is going to BLOW YOUR MIND!

so you know how halloween (for girls) is the day where its OK to dress like a whore????

is it OK?  false.  you look like an idiot AND i know you are freezing because its late october.

and maybe it would be more acceptable if you just actually said what you were dressed as.  for example...if i asked...

me - "oh, what are you dressed as?"

girl - "im a prostitute that has a fetish with cotton balls"

me - "wow, well, you really pulled it off....congratulations?"

me - "here, take my jacket...or youre going to die"

HOWEVER...this is how the conversation really happens...

me - "oh, what are you dressed as?"

girl - "IM A LAMB!!  seeeeee, i have a cotton balls here, here and here"

me - "you just pointed to your nipples and crotch....this is just awful.  i dont even know whats going on...this cant be acceptable"

me - "here, take my jacket...or you will probably get groped by a phi delt"

and sometimes these costumes dont make any sense.  its as if they were playing mad libs and read:  'slutty (noun)'  and went from there.

so, im going as a SLUTTY NOTEBOOK!!

i mean, i own post-it notes right?

so i figure, ill just get naked and wear three (perfectly placed) post-it notes.

and before my fellow brothers from the bro-zone lair comment on how i need a billion post-it notes or more efficiently 3 billboards to cover my body.....just remember guys....SEXY NOTEBOOK!

general updates:

1) no girlfriend (sorry martha)

2) no boyfriend (mom, im not gay)

3) still fat

4) danny is an idiot because its only been 8 days

End of Reading Week

reading week began with an ultimate high and naturally, this led to a steady downfall.  the furious make out session maybe wasnt the best thing for the beginning of the week because now, the rest of the week pales in comparison.  im going to attempt to describe the week with the best of my ability.  now, to make this post seem somewhat decent, please shove crayons up your nose until you have forgotten about the previous post of majestic wonder.

well first off, we had movie night pretty much every night of the week.  movies ranging from definitely, maybe to wall-e to eastern promises.  if any of you want to see viggo mortensen aka LOTR's aragorn in a brutal (yet sensually inspiring) naked fight scene while covered in tattoos then eastern promises is the movie for you...so is the labyrinth...for different reasons.

we did however make it to the actual movie theater one night.  the movie we saw was nick and norah's infinite playlist.   it was funny and fun.  a real fun funny flick.  in the middle of the movie however I, the only person who found this awesome, started "hootin' and hollarin' " like jesus did when God clowned Job in Job 38.  (maybe this wasnt exactly recorded in the bible but im sure it happened)

nick and norah both claimed to be straight edge which was awesome because i couldnt think of any other movie where straight edge is mentioned.  later, my friend garrett told me about an underground film that was made called "the edge of quarrel" where straight edge is mentioned but it was never on the silver screen so im not counting it.  also, apparently it sucked (aside from good live footage of Botch).  zach, have you seen this?  you look great.

tuesday night was a special night.  by special, i mean we didnt do the same thing as every other night of the week.  in my CTC lecture, we have tutorial groups that meet once a week and discuss the lectures and the readings.  now, i know what you are going to say...and i know that most universities have tutorial groups buuuuut do your tutorial groups meet at the professors house for desserts??? and get to know each other while eating delicious sweets??? i thought not.  

each tutorial group is led by a professor (not necessarily the professor that leads the lecture) so my tutorial group leader is craig gay and the TA is steve watts.  ghita, laura, virg and i all go together to craigs house.  to get to craigs house, one has to leave the comforts of marked roads and street lights.  it was quite dark as we were trying to find out where his house was.  as we were slowly cruisin' through the neighborhood like a car of gang members searching for the next squirrel to practice our drive-by skillz we see a person with a reflective vest on.  this person was pretty far ahead of us and he all admired his "safety first" attitude.  did i mention that this person was 15 feet tall?  AND IT WAS COMING RIGHT FOR US!!! in an unusually slow trot.  

ghita started freaking out because she hates tall people and wanted to run her car into his kneecaps but i assured her that she had nothing to be afraid of.  for this man was merely riding a horse.  ghitas nerves calmed and the blood rushed back to her white knuckles of annihilation.  unfortunately laura is deathly afraid of horses and vomited ALL OVER ME.  it was so gross and i panicked because i didnt want to go into craigs house with laura vomit all over me.  (did i mention she was eating paint earlier that day?)  

so my body looked like a jackson pollock painting that had been used as a beer pong table at the latest phi delt party.  

on the bright side, ghita had a change of clothes in her trunk.  problem solved?

of course not!

i looked like a bag of mashed potatoes with a few rubber bands wrapped around it.  her t-shirt was broken and the pants she gave me left nothing to the imagination.  to everyones surprise, the night went swimmingly and craig even complimented me on my classy attire.  THE END of tuesday night!

everyday of the week, i woke up late and went to some coffee shop to spend hours and hours reading.  although it felt like i accomplished a lot, i really didnt.  reading week was like eating at a chinese restaurant.  i spend hours eating my plate of general tso's chicken and when i feel like my stomach cant take another bite, i look down and see a full plate in front of me! IS THIS MUTATING OR SOMETHING!?

oh, and apparently 23 = 102 in fat years because my lower back is killing me.  for the past couple years, my lower back every once and a while gets sore but this time its different.  i started doing some ab workouts (eating more) and stretching my hamstrings and glutes.  the past two nights ive slept on the floor with two rolled up towels.  one under my neck and one under my lower back.  it definitely helps a little but i dont want to get used to it...i want my back to be normal.  suzie, iain's wife, was "nagging" my back and definitely could tell a difference with one vertebra.  she kept saying it was "softer than the others" but she told me not to quote her on that so please ignore the previous quotation marks.  

dr. ghita told me to go to the doctor and i told her that ive already been to TWO doctors. 

DR. BENNETT (hey, thats me!)

and 

DR. INTERNETS

nurse youtubes is pretty good at showing me how to stretch.  she has soft hands.

what else is new....

oh!

waiting for laundry equals perfect time for experimenting.  

this morning (while waiting for my laundry to finish) i put a ton of pomade in my hair because i wanted to see if i could give myself a pompadour.  ive never attempted this before but then again, laundry takes forever.  

so im going to town and realize that no matter how much pomade i used, the brand i had wasnt going to cut it.  i need murray's pomade.  regardless of the lack of murray's i had, i managed to create a decent pompadour.  no, there are no picture because it was "decent", not extreme!  ill have to grow my hair out some more, buy murray's and try again.  ill never be able to match this guy.

i cant wait till next laundry day! GOODY YAY

so laundry was done and i so i hop in the shower to wash all this crap out.  after three shampooings, the pomade was still in there.  ohhh shits.   whatever im over it.  ill have to try again with either hand soap or dish detergent.

ive decided that laundry day will either lead me to be the greatest inventor on earth or dead from some ridiculous accident.  either way i will make the headlines.

"genius man invents..."

"stupid man dies from..."

OR IF IM LUCKY...

"BREAKING NEWS: MAN INVENTS NEW AWESOME WAY TO DIE!"

Truth or Dare

my life will never be the same.  who knew that an innocent get together at josh's place on a friday night would be the catalyst for such a life changing event?  i sure didnt.  the evening began with a phone call from gini.  gini's real name is virginia (she's from virginia) but she goes by gini.  i, one the other hand, call her virg.  the pronunciation of 'virg' is just how you say the first part of the state, or in this case name, virginia.  i find that virg is a more fitting name to her personality as she is always on the verge of beating me up whenever i call her virg.  

as im talking to virg on the phone, she expresses her true purpose of this certain phone call.  she wanted to see if i would join her and ghita for a lovely dinner at a yet to be determined restaurant.  we were all planning on going to josh's place for the evening but they wanted to grab dinner before the hang out session for obvious energy requirements.  after the phone call, i was trying to think of a quality yet moderately priced place for consuming food.  while taking a break of contemplating delicious restaurants near josh's lair, i called ghita to see if she could pick me up on her way to picking up gini.

now, some would view this request as a rude and imposing gesture but i assure you, it was neither.  i was a polite gentleman as i looked at google maps to make sure that i was, in fact, on the way to gini's house aka the nunnery.  i made sure my proposition was full of the genuine "ma'ams", "pleases", and "thank yous".  ghita of course complied.  one thing about ghita, is that she is generous and compassionate.  she is actually in the middle of her residency of becoming a pediatrician and decided to take a year off to come study at regent.

as i awaited for ghita's call to inform me that she was outside, i was diligently putting in some hours at The Internets.  as i published my previous internet private journal entry, my phone vibrates on the ikea wooden table.  half startled and half excited, i picked up the phone.  ghita's lost but luckily only about a block away.  so i walked outside to greet her and expressed my giddy anticipation for the delicious food we were about to devour.  i told her my restaurant suggestion and her facial expression was that of an unimpressed father who just found out that his only daughter is dating a boy with a belly button ring. 

i was baffled that she wasn't as excited as i was about going to The Sushi King House.  she explained that she didn't really like sushi but then said that she's only had it a couple times back home in saskatoon, saskatchewan...a place known for calling hoodies 'bunny hugs', and not known for its sushi.

by the time the freezing car ride to gini's was over, i had convinced her to give sushi another try since we are in the land of asians.  however the heat of my excitement was almost extinguished by ghita's poor choice to keep the windows down in the car.  i mean, come on!

we pick up and gini and head to the sushi king.  the dinner was filled with balance of laughter, wise words, and profanities from both the ladies.  gini was frustrated that she couldn't eat the sushi pieces in one bite and ghita was just about to lose it as she was unable to use chop sticks.  how embarrassing.  this is the very restaurant that my landlord took me that was known for its extremely and unnecessarily large sushi rolls.

after the wonderful dinner, the three of us treated ourselves with premium gelato.  i of course chose the most professional pairing of dark chocolate and coffee.  i was in heaven.  well, at least the gelato shop in heaven.

finally, it was time to take our full bellies to josh's.  the first thing i do when we got there was grab and dr. pepper and joined josh for some guitar hero.  regardless who won (he won), we had to keep reminding the girls to stay calm and not take their tops off.  josh's axe shredding skills and my unbeatable stage presence led the girls in a downward spiral of lust and perversion.  as josh and i saw that we were making the women stumble, we respectfully laid our axes down.  as this point, the door bell rang.  it was luke.  

luke is feisty little ball of energy.  his constant poking at my recently worked out pectoral muscles does not bid me well.  i repeat, does NOT bid me well.  please stop it luke, you further tenderize my already tender body.  aside from the sadistic side, luke is also one of the most brilliant and well rounded people i know.  i love listening to his intense and knowledge filled conversations.  his love for jesus and humankind is something to admire...even if he pokes my sore buff boobies.

while he wailed at guitar hero, the rest of us played foosball.  josh and i represented Team Awesome while gini and ghita represented Squad Fail.  Josh and I were able to perfect our victory dance while the g-girls were able to master their sobbing technique.

the next thing on the agenda was to play a friendly game called 'asshole'.  asshole is a fun game that is usually played as a drinking game.  since we werent drinking, we decided to tweak the rules a little bit.  for example, whenever the 'social' card was played, we didnt all drink but rather high-fived each other.  it was great.  another alteration was incorporating 'truth or dare' in the game.  whenever the president put his thumb on the table, the last person to put their thumb on the table was asked a truth or dare question.  the asshole of each round was also asked a truth or dare question.  

the five of us were not only having a blast but also learning some "truths" about each other.  then came the moment that would lead to the driving force that would change my life.  ghita was last to put her finger down as josh, the president, sneakily put his thumb down while someone put down the social card.  as everyone was distracted by making sure to high-five each other, ghita was the last to catch on to josh's devilish plan.  josh then proceeded to ask ghita whether she preferred a truth or dare.  ghita's bold response left all of us thinking of what the dare could be.  a previous dare that luke had to preform was extremely fun to watch so josh pressured ghita to do the same dare.  she was to eat a spoonful of margarine.  as she attempted to down the tasty (if used in moderation) spread, she gagged and spat it out.  so as she couldnt complete the dare, she switched to a truth.  technically you cant really switch between truths and dares but we made an exception because the rest of us couldnt bare watching ghita gag on fake butter again.  

josh looks intently into ghita's eyes and says, "of the first year guys at regent......who would you kiss?"

the room fell silent as the rest of us waited in anticipation of her answer.  

she tried to explain that she didn't know anyone well enough etc etc but josh explained that this was more hypothetical than anything and that she wasn't expected to ask the person out on a date in the near future.  she ran her fingers through her blond hair as she was deeply thinking of what to say.  her hesitation made sense only when she finally said the person who her lips desired...for that person was in the room!

the butterflies of my heart filled my stomach as she muttered the very name that my parents gave me 23 years ago!  oh how beautiful is was to hear my moniker in a woman's sensual voice.  as the other three oooed and aaahhhed like school kids on a playground, ghita and i blushed uncontrollably.  this however was only the appetizer at cafe life changers.  

the game continued and the main course of the life changing meal arrived a couple rounds later as the truth or dare question was laid upon ghita once more.  this time i was president so i asked ghita, "truth or dare?"  she responded with dare because she couldn't face another truth question.  now, since i was president, i had the final decision on what dare to enforce.  josh immediately yells out his suggestion for dare....which was for ghita to kiss me!  the butterflies in my stomach turned to war rhinos that were fighting over the last cinnamon roll.  however, i didn't want to be the creepy president to force a girl to kiss him so i laughed away josh's suggestion.  while i was trying to think of a good dare, josh had rallied up gini and luke in a campaign to make the kiss happen.  

their peer pressure was thicker than the margarine that ghita gagged on earlier.  before i could do anything, ghita caved to their peer pressure.  her wild desire took over her body like a master puppeteer and i was paralyzed as she leapt over the table with eyes filled with passion.  although time was in slow motion, the combination of fear and excitement gripped my heart and froze my body.  i couldn't run away nor did i want to.  ghita grabbed my face with her pediatric hands and as the spectators used their hands to close their gaping mouths, ghita slightly opened hers.

my eyes were fixed on her eyes and hers on mine.  it was like a fairy tale as all i could hear in my head was the acoustic version of Radiohead's "Lucky".  are these the very moments that poets and artists find their inspirations?  these surreal times of overwhelming emotion?  was this "my time", my time to truly know what its like to touch someone else's lips with my own?  the only reference i've ever known was the new years party of 2005 where brad dexter forced a pity kiss on me because, being a good friend, he felt sorry that i didn't have a significant other to smooch with as the ball dropped.  this was all about to change.

as ghita's confident lips began to caress my quivering lips, i could see the imaginary grand parade in the air.  angels and dragons were dancing around fireworks as sigur ros and radiohead played together in perfect unity and a waterfall of sweet tea poured over my body.

we embraced as if we were alone and as our tongues collided, my mouth was filled with the taste of margarine.  it was fate that allowed me to feast on the margarine coated mouth as if God himself wanted to put me in a comfortable situation (i used to practice kissing a buttered baked potato when i was a child.......last year).

as we released, my heart was pounding out of control and i finally knew was it felt like to kiss a human female.  the rest of the evening was a blur as i was just stunned by a buttered mouth.  we continued the game and ghita and i had a hard time concentrating.  her eyes were constantly gazing at me while i was too much in a post-kissing high that i couldn't function as a human being.  

the night winded down as we were now watching the movie, 'definitely, maybe'.  josh kept insisting that ghita and i cuddle or hold hands at least but both of us were well on our way down awkward avenue to stop and hold hands.  i could see in ghita's eyes that if the goofy spectators weren't present, the hand holding would have been top on her list of things to do.  she was smitten as i, on the other hand, was constantly thinking of butter. 

we left josh's apartment and everyone said their goodbyes.  the boys went to the boys car and the girls went to the girls car.  ghita and i said bye as if that 'bye' was no different than every other 'bye' but in reality it was the most emotionally filled 'bye' in the history of humankind.  this particular 'bye' could be used to create peace on earth.  if this 'bye' was a sandwich, it would easily outdo a double big mac from mcdonalds.  

only God knows the future of the event that occurred that friday night.  the mystery is the beginning of another story within a story.  there is only one thing for sure that can be taken away from this story and that is:

 margarine is not only a substitute for butter but also a preferred substitute for saliva.  

The Internets are angry

what the hell is wrong with me?  another week has gone by without me updating my private journal.  my last post was written last weekend and the subject matter was about the weekend before that!  and im pretty sure i was supposed to write about that weekend earlier this week but nay, ive waited until now.  friday.  so i have to write about last weekend AND this week?  do i have a choice?  well the company im working for, The Internets, pays me 45,000 a year to write this journal and one of the requirements was to write about everything interesting, regardless of how behind i get.  so here it goes.

well, it was a moist and cloudy day last friday and Graham decided that it would be polite (with a hint of sexy) to tell the hard working bus driving technician that he loved him and his loyalty to the TransLink - South Coast British Columbia Transportation Authority.  Before the seductive love poem could leave Graham's mouth, the bus suddenly slammed into this little kidaaaah SCREW IT!! you know what The Internets...I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE! you can take the 45000 and shove it up your ass!  you cant make me write about every little mundane event! its just nonsense!  ohhh im fired? well YOURE FIRED! FROM LIFE! JERKS.  aaahh HA! graham: 1, internets: 0!!! pew pew pew!

ok, in reality its more like graham: -45000 and internets: a billion monies

so, now ill just try to focus on the highlights.  

last weekend: saturday night we had game night at christa, julie, heather and lindsay's apartment.  it was totally awesome because:

1) fresh cookies

3) good friends

3) tons of games

7) fresh cookies

i also got to experience playing a new game that id never even heard of.  it was settlers of catan.  apparently its sooo popular everywhere in the world and that im an idiot for not knowing it existed.  well whatever.  but it was a lot of fun! i lost though.  i came close once but then i lost.  and cried.  and then ate all the pieces. 

after settlers, we all played spoons.  that came rules and i pretty much won every single time!!! im so awesome.  if spoons was a olympic sport, i would get the gold medal for sure.  if spooning was an olympic sport, then the country Bro-Zone Lair would DOMINATE THE WORLD.  

the people at the party will claim that i didnt win at spoons.  but they are liars and who believes liars anyways?  stupid people do, thats who.  are you stupid?  thats what i thought. 

i feel like i did something awesome sunday night but it was sooooo long ago that i forgot.  sorry, The Internets...please take me back baby.  

the week was full of reading and studying as usual.  i had a hebrew vocabulary quiz tuesday and a hebrew grammar test thursday.  i got a 12/12 on the vocab quiz because im sik-wit-it when it comes to hebrew and im still awaiting my score for the grammar test.  i think i did pretty good though.  

p.s.  for any of the people that caught my tribute to nerds in the middle of this post, good for you.  you are too a nerd because you saw it.  turn off your ps3 and go outside. darius.

so i started something new this week.  my aussie friend josh and i have started going to the gym to work out.  we are are going to try for 3 times a week.  we went wednesday and earlier today.  both times ive run for a while and then lifted.  and both times ive felt like death afterwards.  im sore and tender.  but i need it.  i need to look buff when i go home and see caleb because apparently i have some competition of some shit.  you stand no chance!

the first day, josh and i went to the locker rooms to change into our spandex.  once we looked the part, we were off to find the weight room!  after walking around like fools trying to find out where to go, we finally asked someone.  the guy pointed that way, and we were confused because thats were the showers were.  uh.  this is awkward.  so every time you go in and out of the locker room to or from the weight room or pool, you have to walk through the showers.  great.  so we just start walking as men, mainly old men, are showering.  i didnt know if it was rude or not that i didnt offer to wash the fat guy, who obviously couldnt reach the middle of his back.  i start thinking of the horrific situation of a wandering child (particularly a little girl) running around and finding herself in a wet room of ding dongs.  i would never want that to happen in real life but i wouldnt mind laughing if it were in a scene in an upcoming rob schneider movie.

so before and after the workout, josh and i have to experience the walk of shame on awkward avenue.

as for reading, im behind in it but GOOD NEWS!!  because this coming week is READING WEEK.  in college, this meant spring break BZL but this reading week will actually be filled with reading.  ALL THE TIME.  i have so much reading to do its ridiculous.  and on top of that, i have to study for my old testament exam which is right after reading week.

another thing that im going to do during reading week is go on a personal retreat.  ive never done one of these but the school is recommending it.  my ears are always filled with righteous tunes but for the retreat, im going to seclude myself with my bible, journal, augustine's 'confessions' and really listen to God's word in my life.  im really excited about this because i feel my life is full of distractions that it will be good for me to really contemplate who i am and truly listen to what God wants me to do.

i am thankful for all the friends that i am making and all the valuable information i am learning.

i am not thankful for whoever designed the locker room.

Black and White was so long ago

alright, so i didnt think that school would take away from my internet blogging, but apparently it has.  but the good news is that i have retired from traditional clogging so that i could resume internet blogging.  my lawyer frowned upon this decision but i looked at his face and told him deal or no deal with it!  It's my highway so hit the exit ramp if all you want to do is poop on my party.

so im back.  and ready to write!  im sitting in calhouns, drinking coffee, and typing 2 words a minute!  there are a lot of people here so my people watching is to the max.  this little kid just fell out of his chair.  his failure will now exist eternally via this blog.  

well, ill sum up last weekend.  last weekend was a pretty packed weekend of fun times.  friday night was the championship game of aussie rules futbol in australia.  its ok if youve never seen a game before, because i hadnt.  but friend josh, who is from australia, really loves the AFL.  so he invited a bunch of people to meet at a pub and watch the game.  i immediately got "into" it.  it was awesome.  the dudes were huge AND fast.  opposite of zach gillan.  but then again, if zach played aussie rules futbol, he wouldnt need to be huge and fast.  he would confuse the opponents with his intelligence and logic.  if that didnt work, then he would make fun of them until they would cower in defeat... enabling zach to walk with ease to the goal line.

we didnt stay long at the pub friday night because we had class the next day.  school on saturday?  yes, we were very lucky that weekend.  saturday from 9am - 4pm was the writing course that i had to take.  good thing i had a lot of friends in that class because i would have drowned in writing knowledge.  the combination of friendly jokes and 3, i repeat, 3 breaks WITH refreshments throughout the day saved me from the abyss of paper structures and "common mistakes"

i will say that there were some gems in this class.  it was good to hear all the tips.  beef tips.  

my art also blossomed during this day.  i drew a fat old lady sitting on a traffic light pole.  someone said, "it looks like you!".  jerk.  this person was zach gillan living vicariously through my inner monologue.  why am i talking so much about zach gillan in this stupid post?  am i starting to miss north carolina?  or this a form of stockholm syndrome where i long to be insulted and physically abused?  im hungry.

side note:  i love out its acceptable for a child to look upon a table of strangers as if they were watching reality tv.  children shouldnt watch reality tv shows in the first place, unless it was "little people, big world" or something...a show that my father should never watch.  he denies it but i suspect him of having a phobia towards "little people".  i pray that my father never finds a golden ticket and wins a trip to willy wonkas chocolate factory.  thats a hilarious disaster waiting to happen.

my other drawing was awesome!  and my next idea for a business.  one of the sentences in the workbook had Star Wars in it so i start thinking about star wars.  i decide to draw jabba the hutt (my obvious role model).  well, i begin with the head and the next thing i know, i forget how exactly the body looks.  i mean, i could have easily drawn my arm and come up with a close match but i wanted to be professional about this.  so instead of doodling a fake body, i draw an ice cream cone instead, with jabba's head as the delicious dairy dessert.  (check out that alliteration, that class worked!)

and around the drawing, i wrote "Jabba creamery Hutt".  ill work out the details later but when i get a chance, ill post the picture.  the picture will make your stomachs yearn for tasty treats from jabba creamy hutt that you will dream of the day you come into one of my stores and order two scoops of chocolate Mace Windu ice cream with Chewy gummy-wookies and extra jedi sprinkles.  eat shit ben and jerry.

saturday night was the first regent party and from what ive been told, regent students like theme parties.  this was the annual black and white party.  it was a lot of fun.  dancing, eating oreos, talking, sweating, standing outside to cool off, dancing some more, and looking at awesome costumes.  bonus:  i have my new head shot.  like 5 star in raleigh, i impressed everyone with my sick wit it dance movez.  in the middle of performing the silent stomp blender, i rolled my ankle.  however, the rush from the oreos and coca-cola classic saved my life.  well, night at least because i kept on partying. HARD.  caleb would have loved this party.  there was more bulge there than a van halen concert.  some gentlemen took the black and white party as an excuse to show off their new spandex pants.  i would have joined them but mother "lost" them when she was doing the laundry.

my friend paul had to take the bus to the party.  and the best part was that he was alone so he had no companions to make it clear to the public that he was going to a theme party.  so he sat on the public bus, which was full of people, looking like this.  goody.

this past week has been full of reading and studying.  my schedule is so full and i cant imagine taking more than 9 hours.  i only have class 3 days a week but im there in the library monday - friday.  the good thing is that im learning SO much and all the stuff im reading is really awesome so i dont mind doing all the work.  but it is so easy to get behind.  9 hours is great because i work a lot but i still have some time for a social life.  i would die if i stayed in the library 21/8.  oh by the way, canadians have 8 days a week.  each day is 21 hours.  its kinda weird because of the whole day/night thing is never consistent but they REALLY wanted syrupday to be a part of the week.  whatever, im getting used to it.

ill try to update my blog more often because i hate writing about stuff that was sooo long ago.  and now ill have to write something soon about THIS weekend.  im about to go to game night.  should be awesome.  so yeah, ill try to sacrifice school work so that i can inform you about all the adventures of my life.

i saw the vp debates on thursday.  if sarah palin winks at me one more time, im going to crawl through the screen and remind her that this is a political debate rather than a beauty pageant.  then i will punch her in the face.  with my foot. 

Politics 101

i have a couple of questions/comments:

1) how do these people exist?

2) why do these people have the right to vote?

3) this is why actors use a southern accent to denote the stupidity of a character in a movie

FYI

Regent College Retreat 2k8

alright, well its almost the weekend and i havent even written about the previous weekend which was the regent college retreat.  it was the good times.  even the 2.5 hour standstill wait that we had at the border.  oh, our retreat was in some camp in washington state.  

so, when i registered for the retreat, they assigned me a car (since i didnt have a car and opted not to walk there).  so i was placed in a car of all girls.  goody yay, GIRLZ NITE!!!!111one

i climb in with julie, heather and christa.  it was going to be awesome.  i knew these girls but i didnt know them very well.  by the end of the trip, we knew each other very well.  christa actually liked me and then hated me, and then i gave her some chocolate and now shes my friend again.  (but she still gives me the stink eye)

like i said 3 paragraphs prior, we had to wait in the border-crossing line for 2.5 hours.  it was ridiculous so we HAD to make it fun.  the way i made it fun was to go into the duty free shop and buy chocolates (which i used later as a swiss/american peace offering)

while i was in this huge duty free shop, i was really tempted to go up to the counter (they had a counter by the way....they were selling coffee and gelato) and say, "there isnt any duty in this chocolate gelato is there???"

but i "grew up" and didnt.  so i opted to settle for going into the bathroom and having a conversation with myself in the mirror for 6-7 minutes.  oh, and strangers dont like it when you say, "hey dad" to them.

as i walk out of the duty free shop, i see the rest of the girls out of the car and grinning.  ohhh great, i must have missed something funny.  so i get there and they told me that some of my possessions "may" be missing...

awesome.  i have to look like a jackass while searching for my belonging in this huge line of cars.  so i head one way...and not a minute passes before i hear an old couple yelling out of their oldsmobile to go the other.  awesome, at least someone is on my side!

i find my hoodie and i think im done.  but nay.  my passport is missing.  honestly, who hides someone's passport while we are about to cross the border.  but it was close to the car bc they were scared someone might steal it...they wanted to keep an eye out.  more like 6 girly eyes.

adventure 1 over?

i guess thats an adventure.

so we begin the second adventure.  which was to play dutch blitz on the trunk of the car.  now i didnt know what this card game was but it was awesome.  a lot of fun.  and when we had to move forward, someone would climb in the car and slowly move ahead while the rest of us would keep playing and walking at the same time.  everyone else were pissed because they werent having as much fun as us.  we rule.

oh, the reason christa hated me was because she was at first denied at the border bc she was swiss and she was walking.  ok well, julie and her decided that since she would probably have to go inside to get her fingerprints and picture taken, then it would be faster if she went ahead and did all that jazz.   well, this is what they encountered:

Pissed Off Officer: "where are you from"

Christa: "switzerland, you know, the harmless neutral country"

POO: "where are you walking to?"

C: "uhhh america"

POO: "where exactly!"

C: "well, im with a car but i thought it would be faster to walk because to see if i had to fill out anything since im neither canadian nor american"

POO: "you cant do that, you have to go away.  you have to go back to your car and once you and your car come, all 4 of your have to come inside for questioning!"

sooo christa hated me because im american and refused her into my country.  a couple minutes after posing for pictures of 'me kicking christa out of america' i gave her some chocolate and asked if she liked me again.  she was unsure.

ARRIVAL!

we finally get to the camp and its dark.  it took forever for us to get there. stupid border.

so my plan was to share a tent with my friend andy.  but i had no idea where he was and he had no idea if i was even going to show up that night.  but we finally found each other and i climbed in the tent.  we had nice pillow talk for a bit and then went to sleep.  he fell asleep really fast and almost immediately started snoring.  i was in trouble.

lets just say, i didnt get much sleep.

i also wake up to a puddle of water beside me.

the retreat was SO AWESOME regardless if it sprinkled the whole time.  all the chapel services and activities were so fun.  it was really great that we all could come and hang out and get to know each other better.

saturday night was probably the most fun of the trip.

we did some ceilidh dancing which is traditional scottish dancing.  IT WAS SO AWESOME and i was super sweaty...well everyone was super sweaty.  yeah i definitely want to do that again, at some hip club.  just walk in while everyone is trying to booty dance and just bust out some ceilidh dancing skillz with some friends.  WE WOULD RULE THE NIGHT.

after the dancing was THE TALENT SHOW WHATEVER!!!

the talent show was totally premium.  there were acts of actual talent but for the most part it was just meant to be funny.  the host, joe, was awesome.  the whole time he spoke, it was like stand up.  his material was great but maybe a little much for kids.....and yes there were kids there.  my favorite quote was from a professor who go up and said:

"joe, you are really funny, my favorite part of your monologue is the 10-12 questions that my little boys are asking me that i wont be able to answer for another 5 years!"

i was actually recruited to join in a group talent gig.  it was really fun.

this is how it went:

the first video is of matt and his heartfelt poem that he wrote when he was in high school.  high school was pretty rough on him.  im in the second video...the second video is part 2 and is a response to matts poem.  our part was kind of an artistic interpretation of matts poem... im the guy with the black pants, white jacket and hat.

yeah, we rule.  im professional now.  millions of dollars.

the best compliment was from my new costa rican friend eduardo.  i asked him how we did and he grabbed my shoulder, looked intently in my eyes and said, "you are going to make it my friend"

after the retreat, we piled in the car and headed home.  the wait to get into canada was like 20 minutes.  it was awesome.  canadians were way cooler and less paranoid.  

all in all, it was an AWESOME trip.  i got to know so many people well, it is so great to have such a tight community in an academic setting.

Fun in the Kitchen

alright, ill give a little update on my premium cooking skillz!  by the end of the term, ill probably be the best cook in the world.  ive found out one thing...i like soup.  and i like adding canned vegetables to soup.  doesnt matter what kind of soup or veggies because it will ALWAYS taste delicious and give you powers.  powers of excellent eye sight and listening skills while watching a movie and/or tv show and/or a picture of the BZL shower time.  well, you really dont need listening skills for the last one but the energy used for listening can easily be transfered to the eyes...FOR MAXIMUM GAZING!

so for your view pleasure, i give you a couple of he meals ive had:

what we see here is none other than chicken noodle soup, a staple in every sick childs life.  oh wait! what do we have here??? what are those little yellow balls of ultimate flavor??? CORN!! oh no he didnt!!

yes i did folks.  i added half of a can of corn to my soup, turning a regular meal into a culinary masterpiece.  and to add to the savory meal, ive added whole wheat bread.  and my date for the evening is the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy.  great meal, great flick, great times.

round 2.  very similar but instead of chicken noodle soup, we have tomato soup.  and of course, i added the other half of the can of corn.  i mean, it was only logical that i used that...if i waited another day or so, they would probably go bad.  BUT NAY! it was delicious.  for extra flavor and texture, ive added saltines and a diet soda.  the peanuts in the background were not a part of this meal but rather another experiment that im working on.  

to enjoy this meal, ive put on Mr. Show with david cross and bob odenkirk.  you know how people say that certain wines enhance the meal?  well, i believe that movies/tv shows enhance the meal A MILLION TIMES MORE!!!

i will say that preparation for this meal did come with some ill fated  consequences.  while reaching for the bottle of diet coke, the top of it hit the side tray of the refrigerator off and  8 eggs flew into the air and landed at my feet.  surprisingly none of them broke!

of course they all broke, what are you? an idiot?  you should really be ashamed of yourself.

sick tatty:

so i was on the bus with branden and there was a guy sitting beside me that looked like a GQ model.  he was fit and wore black slacks, black shoes, a turquoise button down shirt with a black tie.  ladies, he looked premium.  however, he started talking.  to me, to be exact.  

hepper: "hey bro, whats your tatty say?"

i was first very displeased with his choice of the word "tatty".  now, as you can see, his name was hepper.  but he was neither a heifer nor a leper. 

me: "it says 'redeemer'...do you have any tattoos of your own?"

hepper: "yeah, i have 'bro' tattooed on my foot"

now i respond with "haha thats awesome" in a very "inside voice" manner but in head i was screaming, "YESSSS!! OH YEEEESSSSS!!!!!! CHAD YES!!! COME ON!!!!"

the three of us talked the rest of the ride about school and what we were studying.  i also found out that 3rd year hepper is pledging the beta house.  the beta house is the frat house that is right beside regent college on campus.  so pretty much i have an "in" with beta and now i can party hard with the brothers.

as for school, it is going well but there is SO MUCH READING.  even though i dont have classes monday or fridays, i still have to come to school to go to the library.  along with reading, my hebrew homework takes me FOREVER! but it is really cool and i am really enjoying the courses im taking.  the stuff im learning and the conversations im having with my new friends are really amazing.

i also saw the new coen brothers film, burn after reading, and thoroughly enjoyed it.

UPCOMING EVENTS:

so this weekend is the regent college retreat.  we are going somewhere in washington state...im not really sure what campground but we are staying there the weekend to have fun.  there was a choice to camp out for sleep in the cabin.  i am going to be camping with andy.  it is going to be totally awesome and we are going to make smores and scare other people at night.  

there is also going to be a talent show saturday night and just as a heads up, i may or may not have been recruited for a dance routine...

Donkey has a new nickname

so after classes thursday, eva told me about a "get together" that was occurring friday night at a coffee shop called wired monk.  apparently there was a live band there and good times to be had.  since that trumped my nothing plans, i of course accepted her invitation.  

friday night came around and i hopped on a bus to go to this wired monk place.  i arrive at 8:15 or so and walk in to see like 10 or so fellow first year regent students sitting around like 3 joining tables with a variety of beverages.  coffee, beer, and ian from england was drinking what looked to me like a big glass full of snow.  he exclaimed the the shaved ice drink was mint flavored.  i really wished this happened:

ian - "oh, yes ill have a large of the shaved ice, please"

clerk - "ok, well what flavor do you want? we have peach, strawberry, grape, orange..."

ian - "flavor?  ohhh no, none for me thank you.  'cold' will be my flavor thank you very much"

clerk - "oook, thatll be a million dollar"

ian - "yum yum yum i looooove snow flavored shaved ice"

so while im searching for an empty chair to join the group, i notice one that is right in front of the band.  no one was sitting in it but there was something hanging off the back.  i asked the guy standing near it if it was his and he said he wasnt sitting in it and that he could move the thingy.  awesome, i scored a chair.  before i could walk away, he said, "hey do you know anything about PAs?"  i looked at him and said, "sorta" so for the next 15 minutes, i was hooking up everything.  all the mics, sound checking them, adding effects to certain mics, etc etc.  i loved it because it took me back to working v21 productions.  it was fun and easy since there werent many things to mic.

the first act was this solo guy who sang and played the acoustic.  he was this black guy with short hair but with two 7 inch dreads in the back, forming duo-rat tails.  it was awesome.  he was really good and scat like none other.

the second act was a 2 person band.  the front man sang and played an array of instruments.  steel guitars and a banjo.  the drummer was awesome.  they played like a blues, rock, mix. i dont know.  their myspace page says: Blues/ Ambient/ Big Beat soooo pretty much they ruled

i sat between ghita and donkey (mike) and so i talked to them the most.  it was awesome that we all could hang out outside school and that we are finally past the "where are you from", "what classes are you taking", "why did you choose regent", "aaaand whats your name again" questions and can actually move on to normal conversations.  

ghita is from saskatchewan and claims that a hoodie is called a "bunny hug"...i just told her that the reason its called that, is because where shes from is because they are still making apparel from wild animals and they just happened to make the hoodie entirely out of rabbits.  its good that we are past introductions and have moved onto clowning each other.  

so while mike was in the bathroom, someone asked to be reminded of his name (a reoccurring pattern for everyone) and someone said mike but i quickly corrected them and said his name was donkey.  they asked why and i explained that his last name is yonkers. so:

yonkers to donkers to donkey.  its just a logical progression.  come on!  its like:

caleb - kalib - karib - karibbean

so anna asked if i should just take the next step and call him 'ass'.  while everyone was laughing, mike came back and asked what was so funny.  someone pointed at me and said "oh he was making fun of you"....mike thought they said ian so looked to ian wanting an explanation.  ian quickly pointed blame to me and i laughed and pointed it back to ian.  but i finally took ownership of the insult (privilege in my book) so i grabbed his shoulder and looked intently in his eyes and said, "mike, your new name is asshole"

everyone laughed because i took it another step by adding hole to his recently upgraded name, ass.  he laughed and so i explained the progression from donkey to ass and finally to asshole.  

he accepted this name and told us that he was going to get his professors to call him that.  haha YES!  

prof - "mike?....is mike yonkers present?"

mike - "oh yes, but i prefer to be called 'asshole', sir"

we will have to see how well this works.  

side note:

im really excited about my 2 new pairs of shoes:

mad madison III and therapeutic tam tam

Graduate School Week 1 - Day 3, little asia

day 3:

thursday.  i get to school at 7:45am to start my final day of the week.  hebrew starts at 8am and so i get in there and sit next to donkey.  pete comes in later and sits next to me.  so after completing the hebrew homework for that day with superb understanding of the material and memorizing how to say and write all the consonants, im feeling pretty good about this so called hebrew language.  

side note:  speaking of hebrew.  back in NC, i had to go to some megachurch because my boss had to meet with one of there administrative persons, whatever, regardless of the reason, i found myself wandering around this ridiculously large campus.  i walked around and saw every room....several rooms were ornately decorated and filled with musical instruments.  so after a couple hours of walking around in the walled up city, i had to stop into their coffee shop to replenish my energy.  this coffee shop (inside their main entrance way/cafeteria/art gallery/enormous room thats in the front of the building) looked very similar to starbucks.  even the logo was very similar.  now, i asked them if this was a starbucks and they said that starbucks lets them rename it or something, im not really sure if they knew what they were talking about.  i look at the logo and instead of the starbucks mermaid lady thing? there was jesus with the crown of thorns.  now, the way they drew him, it looked similar (art-wise) to the lady.  and instead of "starbucks" they wrote "he brews".  wow.

ok back to school.  so i was thinking i was doing well but then the lesson for the day was vowels.  well the vowels in hebrew are just dots and small symbols that go mainly under the consonants.  goody.  now, in english, we have a,e,i,o,u but as we know, those letters have different sounds with certain words.  but we just keep the a the a.  in hebrew, theres a different name of the vowel for each sound made.  i havent looked at my hebrew notes yet, so its going to take me some time to memorize all that crap.  

the class got out at 9:30 and i didnt have class again till 2:30.  so that huge break consisted of:

hanging out

reading

hanging out

eating

hanging out

good times.

lunch was good.  pete, eugene, donkey and i were going to eat together.  males only!  we wanted to try something new....so pete suggested the downstairs of the shops beside the school.  i didnt know anything about this "downstairs" he spoke of but being the zany daredevil that i am, i said "sure, whatever, ill do anything, watch out daughters of man!"

we go downstairs and it opens up into "little asia".  well, i named it little asia.

it was like a mall food market but there were only asian food counters.  it was awesome.  my lunch was $3.99 and i was full. YES CHEAP! eugene got this dessert thing....it was like a red bean smoothie thing with coconut or something, and it was hot (temperature wise, not jonas hot)

he thought it was pretty tasty, so i tried some.  it was weird, not bad? but i didnt want a second bite.  

after lunch, we continued our "hanging out".  talking about theology or arrested development and stupid stories of our past.  so half of the people that overheard us, probably thought that we were sexy scholars.  and the other half thought we were sexy morons.  it pretty much was no question that we were sexy.

class was awesome, there was a guest professor to give the lecture.  the lecture was pretty dense and got a lot of people thinking hard.

ok speaking of hard....im sitting in a coffee shop right now called grounds for coffee.  i came here to indulge myself in a delicious cinnamon roll.  it ruled.  anyways, this guy just came in and if regent had a prom, he would be my date FOR SURE.  his shirt (blouse) looks like something our of the renaissance period.  a sexy burgundy long sleeve shirt that flowed in the wind.  there was a cut on his shirt from the neck to his chest and this was laced with a brown leather string. and you know what else flowed in the wind?  his pony tail.  although he had male pattern baldness, he still wanted to live on the wild side.  his blouse was tucked in to some jean shorts, not just any jean shorts, but cut offs that would make a normal nevernude blush.  awesome.

hey! class was over! DAY 3 (final day) COMPLETE!

the rest of the day consisted of me hanging out with myself, watching mr show episodes, eating and writing day 1 and day 2 of grad school adventures in the blog that you are reading at this very moment.

Graduate School Week 1 - Day 2, what time is it?

day 2:

well, this is what should have happened...

wake up with enough time to enjoy oatmeal and make it to school for my 9:30-12:30 old testament class.  enjoy peers in an academic setting.  diligently take notes on the exhilarating lecture.  get out of class to have a nutritious lunch with fellow graduate students.  exchange kind stories and encouraging words over lunch.  then have the rest of the day to study and or socialize.  

in reality, this is what happened...

mmm yaawwwnnn, what time is it? oh no! 1:30pm! I FAILED MISERABLY FOR THE SECOND TIME!  MY PHONE WAS ON SILENT!!  youre right martha, i need to get a real alarm clock....one that is not my stupid silent phone. 

ohhh man, i cant believe it!  oh well, its the first week and the OT class is a huge lecture.  im sure i didnt miss much.  plus pete emailed me the notes that he took.  YAY GOOOODY!  anyways, i get to campus to do a little hebrew homework.  while there, i hang out with fellow students and one asks me if im going to the CTC movie night that evening at 6:30.  the purpose of this movie night was to be a way for students to watch a movie and pick out the theology in the film.  sounded right up my alley so i opted to go.  of course, thanking them for reminding me of the time.  

the movie night ended up lasting about 2 hours but it was AWESOME.  the first meeting was more or less a intro lecture on what the movie night was going to be about.  the speaker was a film maker/professor of theology in film at regent...he talked about the art in film making and how a lot of film makers want to paint a picture within a picture.  creating themes that can be found personal to the viewer.  he also talks about finding the theology in movies that didnt have overtly "christian" images.  he said that movies with more subtle parables and seemingly unrelated messages were often the most influential and effective.  the film maker creating art in the secular sense, using images and themes that all humanity can relate to, can tell a story thats inside a larger story.  he spoke fast and i didnt take notes so im missing a lot of his interesting points.  (no test or anything)

at the end of the class he wanted to talk about the basics of dissecting a scene to find the deeper meaning of what the film maker is trying to express.  he played a scene from citizen kane....which is apparently the best movie ever made.  he said that it wasnt necessarily the most entertaining movie but it was the best made.  he played the scene all the way through without saying anything.  it was an interesting scene, the scene where kanes mom is basically signing guardianship over to this banker.  the dad sorta refuses a bit, the mom is firm in her decision, and the kid (kane) is kinda pissed but goes anyways.

then he replays it and pauses on every important part to discuss what is going on.  he paused it like every other second.  and it was so cool how when you really dissect it, the film maker is A GENIUS.  all the tricks to create a message......camera angles, camera movements, actors movements, camera focus, actors positions in the world around them, sounds..both volume of actors voices and background music, edits, costumes....literally everything!  it was so rad and it took the scene to a whole new level.  a couple cool techniques about the scene was:

1) there was one edit to another camera angle where the mom was the prominent figure in the shot and the dad and banker were in the background.  and the way the camera was angled, made it seem like the dad and banker were the little angel and little demon on the moms shoulders...having opposing views and the mom has to choose.  and it was perfect for the context of the scene.  

2) costume choices.  between the kid and the banker...it was almost exactly the same as in charles dickens' oliver twist.  the professor explained that at the time of the movie, people really connected with such an image (sort of reminded nostalgia) and sparked a deeper emotion in the viewer who was familiar with oliver twist.  also there is a part where the costume choice for the mother was very similar to the way the virgin mary always looks in traditional art.  it was really cool.

3)  there was a shot of the scene where you could see the ceiling and this was the first time you could see the ceiling in a movie.  (or one of the firsts)  the professor said that this was very innovative because where were the mics?? well apparently the ceiling was made of fabric (even though it looked like wood) and the mics were right above the fabric.  sweet PIES!

im excited about this part of CTC.  its optional but ill probably be there every time.

well thats pretty much it for day 2.  since this is kind of a short post, i can talk about the new friends that i have made....

pete - finding nemo, tons of energy, solid dude but i will forever clown him on his hollister zany one-liner t-shirt

eugene - mr vancouver, wants to reshape the asian church, solid bro

paul - down with music sceeeenne, push mosh lets go! wwwwheres the circle piiiiat

branden - super smart, a lot of biblical background, somehow a first year and already in exegesis, rooms with jason

jason - super smart, a lot of biblical background too, loves philosophy, just turned 29 so we went out to PARTAYYYY, rooms with branden

mike - i call him donkey, super cool, rock climbs, loves arrested development and wet hot american summer, YES

makana - ultimate frisbee dude, hawaiian, loved my airbrushed 'graham' shirt

josh - australian who always wheres jean shorts, hilarious (but hes the only person in the world that is allowed to wear jean shorts) 

andy - dans roommate, they lives really close to me, we share very similar tv/movie taste, we already watched ren and stimpy together

dan - karibbean was right....he IS dreamy

luke - i have a feeling me and him are going to have some amazing conversations, hes also a rugby player who is smaller than me

iain - scottish dude who laughed really hard when i told him i was going to open a restaurant chain called flanagans funtimes....'ello sire, here are your potatoes and a punch in the face! he also wants to massage my body

susie - iain's wife who hates that he wants to massage my body

sam - super chill dude

ian - english dude who has some fuuuuuutbol skills

nerida - 33 year old australian babe dog who will have a MDiv at the end of the year....we are getting married (she doesnt know it yet)

eva - lives with like 8 other girls in "the nunnery"....div school humor hardy har har

kathy - COFFEE LADY!! regent student who works at the coffee shop.  shes rad

ghita - looks young but apparently has already finished med school and just took a break from her residency to come study jesus for a year.  has one more year left in her residency? shes cool AND in my tutorial

and MILLIONS MORE!

YAY FRIENDS!