NC Summer '09: of what i can remember about raleigh

raleigh, nc aka the city of oaks is full of great people. i wish to meet those people because all i know are the CLOWNS in that city. however, this fits perfect because from the evidence of this blog alone, you know that im a clown too. a sexy clown. a clown that doesnt have to buy make up because the food that i store on my face (so i dont have to walk all the way back to the refrigerator) acts as a professional concealer that successfully scares children.

the first night in raleigh was pretty special because i was met with a warm welcome. it all started when i went to the morning times, a lovely little coffee shop that is a hang out/place of employment for a lot of my friends. its kinda like 'the max' in saved by the bell but with more awkward touching and less ac slater crotch shots. who am i kidding...jeffron the immortal alone makes up for the 'crotch shot quota' that every team should have. i would proceed to link a picture of ac slater sitting backwards in a chair as he always did in the beloved teen show however google images have failed me. so this ice cold businessman looking to get fresh with YOU will have to suffice.

i cant believe there arent thousands of pictures of ac slater in a backwards chair...there sure were a lot of these, but who the hell cares!?

so i arrived at the morning times and ol' jeffey poo was working hard (and lookin' great) as usual. we lock eyes, and run to each other in the typical slow-mo fashion that you see in various rom coms. well obviously the world just doesnt cut to slow-mo to accommodate to a romantic moment but my lethargic stumble of a run made it look like it did. mission accomplished.

side note: i just realized how lax i am with the use of "mission accomplished". it seems like either everyday activities are missions or that i have no idea what a mission really is.

spago was there as well so the trifecta was BACK IN ACTION. when i was living in raleigh, jeffron, spago, and i formed the sexiest trifecta in all of the southeast. here is a little step by step progression to illustrate the sexiness/awesomeness of the grahamjeffronspago trifecta:

warm:

warmer:

HOT SAUCE:

ok i am thoroughly disappointed in my graphic design skills. upon realizing that there were no 'trifecta' pictures, i decided to make my own awesome picture using a simple program on the computers. and hour and a half later, i have failed like non other. ive downloaded 3 'ms paint' wanna-bes for mac and 2 have failed and 1 is too good for me apparently.

im really pissed off. this is the only thing i hate about macs: THERS NO MS PAINT. with ms paint, i was a MASTER! michelangelo (the artist and the teenage mutant ninja turtle) would fall on the ground to worship the art i would create with the ms paint! but with the mac, nnooooooooooo im left with other means to eventually fail. WHAT THE HELL IS A LAYER!! AND WHY CANT I SELECT THEM BOTH! whatever, im probably just completely dense and my graphic design friends are probably giggling like little school dweebs while muttering, "omg i bet he doesnt know the ctrl+alt+f7+leetdragdiack function uh huh huhuhu huhhh" SHUT UP

FURIOUS I AM!

ok whatever, im over it.

so we hang out at the morning times until jeffron got off work around 1030ish or something. we then left and went to a new cool hip bar called the foundation. it was me, jeffron, spago, and courtney. jeffron was drinking his mandatory mountain dew (he has to drink at least 2 liters and/or base jump from one skyscraper a day to keep his sponsorship). i was drinking what sets the foundation apart from other bars: homemade sodas. boom city! homemade gingerale rules hard.

we were only there for a little bit because everyone was going to be meeting at another new hip bar called busy bee. i was so excited that i may or may not have peed a little when thinking about partying hard with all my friends! jeffron left a little early to go back to the morning times to get his bike and said he was going to meet us there. all three places were around the same block so its alllllll gravy baby.

spago, courtney, and i take the short cut down a well lit, spacious, not creepy at all alley. butterflies are battling in my belly as i take each step towards friendville 2k9. wait a minute, do my eyes deceive me? is that don don in the flesh waiting to greet me with a big hug (with sweaty palms)?

his mustache glistened in the moonlight as my lethargic stumble started up as if i were running after the remains of a oscar meyer wiener car/ice cream truck collision. the butterflies in my stomach must have found my secret sugar stash in one of the artificial folds in my stomach (the ones that i had surgically put in for "future famine" reasons) because they went into extreme flutter mode and popped my belt and pant buttons off.... weird.

so there i was, running towards ol' don don with my pants quickly falling to my ankles. now, a lot of you are probably wondering..."why were his pants dropping?"

well, i think my steroid butterfly story is fine enough BUT if you need more info, well IM SORRY! the excitement and thrill of the night was so overwhelming that everything was hazy!

but honestly, who WOULDNT drop trou? i mean look at him!

as i reached him, we embraced in a brotherly love hug. it. was. magic.

then immediately, he shoved me off like i was covered in mayonnaise! (likely, but i checked, i wasnt)

whats the deal, DON DON!??

then a bunch of my friends jumped out from every nook and cranny that alley had to offer with water balloons in their hands.

IT WAS A TRAP!!!

solid move sending don don to be the bait....they knew i couldnt resist.

as im getting pummeled by water balloons, i realized that maybe my pants being down around my ankles wasnt nearly as helpful as i thought they would be. i was like a sitting duck frantically shimmering in circles as i was bathing in what i hope was just water. i managed to catch one balloon and CREAM jeffron the immortal whos "hey, im gonna go get my bike, ill meet you at busy bee" really meant "hey, im gonna leave you early so i can get you wet"

side note for nomi: note that 'get you wet' did NOT have a wink wink following it SO quit thinking what i know you are thinking. perv.

they eventually ran out of ammo and they all celebrated as if they won the game winning point in a volleyball game. nerds.

my iphone and mom's cellphone were soaked. oh no. i take them out and them off to the nearest dry hands. the iphone is fine but my moms screen was all white. aaaaawwwweeeesome! i thought mommy deary was going to kill me BUT smart thinking by yours truly, i took the battery out and let it dry up for a day. the following day, it worked perfectly! GRAHAM - 1 CELL PHONE WATER DAMAGE - 0!!!!1111onewoneleven

after that, we all went to busy bee to hang out, laugh, touch, taste, etc. we were on the back patio and it was a lovely night to sit outside completely soaking. there was another group of partiers on the patio.....a 21st birthday to be exact. it was a group of loud OMG whooooo girls and the birthday girl was wearing a crown that said "buy me a drink im 21". which i read as, "do something stupid to me". so i did that.

i walked up, and told her i was going to get her a drink. she whoooed, i gringed, and went on my way to the bar. my friend tori was working so i knew i could get something for free AND the idea in my mind wouldnt cost them much.

i told the bartender that i wanted a big glass full of EVERY SINGLE non-alcoholic liquid he had back there. so he proceeded to put in every mixer, every soda, every fruit, every energy drink, every damn thing he had! it was unbelievable. unbelievably high in sugar content.

i walked up to mary ashley ashleigh (i assume that was her name) and gave her the cool beverage. she asked what it was and i said, "oh, the famous suicide version 2.0". i then waited, stared, smiled with my hands under my chin as she took her sip of every taste imaginable.

"mmmm pretty good!" she said.

"really? i mean, yeah, of course its good!" i replied in shock.

"whats in it?" she curiously inquired

"oh, everything the bar had, except alcohol" i said truthfully

"EWWW NO! im NOT gonna drink it!!" she responded with an alcoholic fury

i wish i didnt say anything and made her drink the whole thing. she gave the drink back and we all had a sip. it was so sweet that the back of your eyes hurt after more than one sip.

thats enough for now. more about raleigh later.

oh ps there is a video of the water balloon attack that hopefully ill get my hands on soon.