Jeffron the Immortal part 4

so im on to part 4 of the jeffron chronicles.  before i write about jeffron and my adventures from last month....let me share two things that made me enjoy life:

1) last night a huge group of us met at the pub to watch a veeerrrrrry important aussie rules futbol game.  now, for those that know me, know that i dont really "follow" sports very closely (mainly because i dont want to associate myself with anything strenuous) but this fine little australian sport its awesome.  buff dudes + short shorts = TOTZ HAWT OMG!!!1111onewon

anyways, after the game, iain, suzie and i were walking up the street to go home.  while we were walking and enjoyed each other's company, a car of human bros drives by with a butterbean looking fat man sticking his head out of the window and yells the most articulate and clear drive-by clowning EVER!

"NICE GREEN JACKET, PENIS FACE!!!!"

immediately the three of us laughed and were so excited about the man's audacity.  i loved it.  i was so glad that it happened.  but then there was a discrepancy.  i was wearing my dark green hoodie and iain was also wearing a green hoodie.  his however was a brighter green and it was in a checkered pattern.  AND is a hoodie considered a jacket?  suzie concluded that it was in fact iain who the drunk men were "hollering" at.  im pretty sure she based this conclusion on the fact that iain's face looks like a penis.  now if these men yelled "nice green jacket, bag of mayonnaise face!" then we would know exactly who they were talking about.

i just realized that when describing the mystery drive-by man as butterbean, my "lovely" friends from raleigh, nc will leave comments such as:

"ohhh graham...instead of butterbean, you should have just said that the mystery drive-by man looked like a skinnier version of you huh huh uh u huh huh" - caleb 'cobra' gillan

or 

"im pretty sure you have diabetes because of all the late night cake intake...you arent going to fit into the tux for your brothers wedding next weekend" - mom

"no janice, its called a 'tuck'..." - dad

2) today was apparently girls day out because me and the gals from the nunnery decided to do a little art crawl.  there were open "studios" (i quote that for a reason, you will find out why later) throughout the neighborhood so that local artists could show off all their stuff.  it was really cool and the day was perfect for walking around and browsing through people's "studios"

our first stop was at an apartment building...ok...i guess this is it.  downstairs, we ring the room and an old lady's voice peeps through intercom.  i ask her if this was part of the art thing.  her old throat barely produces a "yes" and we were buzzed in.  i swear, i wouldnt have been surprised if she was dead by the time we made it up to her apartment.

we walk in and realize that by "studios" they (they being the brochure) mean people's actual homes.  this is going to be great.

eva, whos attention span is the size of a half eaten raisin, was immediately whining like the babby she is about how this art crawl was a crock of shit.  all the while nomi is in the back asking if the next studio was a restaurant instead.

the walk was really cool AND the next two studios a) were actual studios and b) served tasty treats

one memorable house was this older lady who ended up talking to me about cell phones for like 20 minutes.  i was about to kill myself but she just kept going and going and going about what she was looking for in a cell phone, all the ones that have failed her and how her current one wasnt "doing it for her".

it kinda sounded like she was giving her her whole life story about all the men in her life but no.....just cellphones.

the entire time, im just smiling and nodding.  how do i get caught up in these mindless (and endless) conversations about the most boring subject.  i should have just interrupted her and talked about all my favorite calendars in the past and how STOKED i was to have a kitten one this year.  

"oh my gaaaahhhh you wouldnt believe me if i told you but for march, holy shit, my birthday is in march!!! OMG!! but the kitten was in, you wouldnt believe this....but he was in a tea cup! HOW ADORABLE!! i mean last year was my boat calendar and there was a sailboat which was great at the time.....i was really into the nautical vessels at the time blah blah blah SEE HOW ANNOYING THAT IS AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

sometimes i wish i can just say or do whatever is on my mind but for some reason im convicted by this thing called "social etiquette" which obviously this women didnt live by because first rule of social etiquette is that you need to recognize when your conversation is making the person at the receiving end want to jam knives in his ears and set his face on fire. 

i know, i sound a tad mean right now but this lady was going on and on FOREVER!!  and i would say im a rather patient person (i taught my mom how to fly fish when everyone else in my family refused to teach her) but 20 minutes on the fact that her new cell phone didnt offer the grey background was just too much for me

however, i did have fun with the conversation at the end when i convinced her to buy long range walkie talkies instead of upgrading her cell phone.  i went into walkie talkie salesman mode at the end so i really hope she buys a bunch of walkie talkies for her and her "jobsite"

well my battery is about to die because i forgot to plug it up and i could either:

a) save this and finish it later with stories about jeffron 

or

b) publish something titled "jeffron the immortal part 4" that doesnt include ANYTHING about jeffron

B