Jeffron the Immortal part 3

its finally summer and i (with the company of my friend thollander) have created a pretty rigid summer program.  this program is a perfectly engineered domino set up that will be completely successful.  each step leads to the other.  i present to you the project summer 2009:

sexy summer bods

summer brides

summer babies

by the end of the summer, thollander and i will have full fledged families.  i know, i know..."what about the 9 months birthing baby period?" blah blah blah seriously.  clearly time is of no threat to us since our summer bods will be on active duty by tuesday.  im hoping to have a 3 year old by the end of august.  thollander's babby will be like 2 i think.  their names will reflect the place in which they were conceived soooo im thinking:  

bathtub bennett

and

ferriswheel thollander

the best part is when (mystery bride) and i are at the hospital in support for the birth of ferrisheel thollander....we will sneak away to a hideaway and create 'waiting room bennett'.  waiting room's immune system will be flawless.

i just realized that this has nothing to do with part 3 of jeffron the immortal.  SO WHERE WAS I!  

oh yeah, i realized that dates and times are not my forte so ill just tell the stories i remember from like a month ago.  this should be interesting.  

MY BIRTHDAY!

my birthday was march 23rd and we decided to have a little family dinner at the nunnery and then go to a bowling alley.  we ended up hanging out at the nunnery and i watched as jeffron touched and tasted all my vancouver friends.  he was warmly welcomed.  

by the way, when i say "touch and taste" it usually means that we are just hanging out party times.  however, i dont want to say that theres NEVER touching or tasting because i would be lying.  i tend to bite people.  

now if my memory serves me right, which it probably wont because im stupid, i think i arrived at the nunnery with jeffrons bday present.  while i went to school, jeffron explored all these outdoors stores looking for supplies for his epic adventure.  shit.  wait, i think im getting events messed up again.  

ok, friday! that was the bowling and then that following monday (my actual bday) was an intimate (pants optional) dinner party.  

ok lets talk about friday first because i think jeffrons bday present was monday.  dammit, this is so hard.  STUPID BRAIN!

ok, we were all hanging out at the nunnery in formal attire while making smores outside by the bonfire.  it was delicious and NO ONE made a mess!!!  best night ever.

alright, that was a lie.  we werent in formal attire, nor were we making smores.  and even if we made smores, the fact that i said "NO ONE made a mess" is down right laughable because we ALL know that eva would have melted marshmallow in her hair, chocolate on her face and her leg would be on fire.  pathetic. 

fact time:

we were waiting on michelle (the classiest and nicest person ever) to get off work so we could all go bowling.  i then realized that michelle hadnt met jeffron yet so a saucy thought popped in my head.  next thing we knew, iain, suzie, jeffron, and i were in the car chanting, "FRIENDS! FRIENDS! FRIENDS! FRIENDS!" and driving towards the starbucks that michelle worked at.  the plan was simple...jeffron go in there with his mushroom haircut and hit on/freak out michelle.  a real 'no rules' operation.

we get there and i sneak up to the window to have a peak inside to see if a) she was there and b) show jeffron who the target was.

i slowly (and stealthily) peered around the concrete wall and to the window.  i didnt see her at first so peered a little furthurOH MY GAAAHHHHH!!! SHES RIGHT THERE!  she was at the cream/sugar station RIGHT BESIDE the window...it scared me out.  my heart was pounded HARD AND FAST!

we were all pumped as jeffron went in for the BZL kill!  the squad hercules/team self respect adventures with jeffron were BACK!

right when he went in, a gaggle of teens with capes walked by.  and i know that sounds completely ridiculous but im not making this up.  about 4 teenboys walked by in red capes.  it was weird.  but i wanted one of them to go in the starbucks with my camera and take a couple of ninja pics.  however, we stumbled across some young negotiators because they had some strict demands.  they wanted to walk suzie across the road.  they said it was for some "scavenger hunt" but i just think they wanted to hold suzies hand because the capes have effectively prevented them from touching any human female in their lives and this was THEIR BIG CHANCE!  i could only imagine how sweaty their hands were.  gross.  ol' sweaty hands don don.

but our little caped ninja did a great job:

after about 10 minutes later, jeffron emerges eating a chocolate croissant.  he had a glazed look over his face and was legitimately frightened.  i asked what happened and he just responded with, "you didnt warn me enough about how nice and sweet she was!"

this apparently threw off his plan.  jeffron was ready to go in and make this girl feel so uncomfortable that it would have left her in a pool of shame and despair.  but the fact that michelle was so nice led to jeffron's vastly inappropriate motives to become suddenly thwarted by her charm.  take a look at the picture again and look at jeffron as he is like a deer frozen in front of some headlights.  a pair of classy headlights.

i knew that walking in, jeffrons head was filled with ideas that would make even the writers of 'KIDS' cringe but when he came out....he was a transformed man.  before jeffron could spit off the creepiest of the creepy, michelle's genuinely loving nature pierced his heart like a...like a....dammit YOUTUBES!!! ive been searching for that scene in royal tenenbaums with the pocket knife stabbing because its GREAT! but the internets have failed me.  well, at least you can imagine it...because thats how michelle's and jeffron's convo went.

jeffron panicked and all he thought of was to hold up the creme and yell across the store, "IS THIS 2%!!...IS THIS 2%!!!"  which is actually pretty great, and the dense jeffron is just as good as the jeffron the violator.  

apparently they got in a conversation about chocolate in which jeffron explained to michelle that hes never had chocolate before in his life.  michelle, making no judgments, gave him a free chocolate croissant.  wow.  so instead of her being creeped out, she ended up giving him free stuff.  ridiculous.

so we leave to go back to the nunnery.  jeffron just collecting himself in the backseat.  crying and eating his free croissant.  once we get back to the nunnery, the plan extended to jeffron hiding and waiting for michelle to get home.  he was going to come yell for me and tell me that HE WAS IN LOVE AND DIDNT CARE WHO KNEW!  so as michelle gets home, we tried to get her to tell us about a "creepy guy with a mushroom head" that paid her a visit but to no surprise, she didnt seem like anything was wrong.  that this wasnt "story worthy".  i guess this is just standard procedure in michelle-land.

as we were in the kitchen, jeffron comes through the front door and yelling for my attention.  he runs through the hall and makes the most incredible kitchen entrance ever while sliding on his socks like 15 feet screaming that he was in love!

mind you, the kitchen was FULL of people that jeffron had either just met that day or had never met yet.  he goes on and on about how sweet and beautiful michelle was and how he needs to see her again.  all the while, michelle was standing behind him with a bright red face.  then we all bust out laughing and the game was over.  it was goodtimes.  and im pretty sure that to this day, michelle doesnt think it was a joke but rather that jeffron is just "unique".

ok, after that we went bowling!!!!!1111onewon

jeffron, iain, suzie, luke, and i were in lukes car as we journeyed to the bowling alley.  we were having a gay ol time listening to tunes and laughing about adventures until a mini van pulled next to us...just staring into our car.  his window was down and was mouthing something.  we pulled to the red light and jeffron (who was riding shotgun) rolled down his window to ask was the deal was.  

random guy: "hows your fucking president!?"

jeffron:  "uhhh obamas doing well i guess"

random guy: "no no, the other one! he fucked everything up!!"

luke: "oh yeah, sorry about that"

then jeffron just smiled and rolled the window back up.  he was mouthing something while we just smiled.  super awkward.  but we realized that lukes car has a texas license plate sooo i guess that means that we are bush fans and/or bush's relatives.

WE ARRIVE AT THE BOWLING ALLEY!

we walk in. PUMPED AND READY TO PARTY!  when i notice something odd.  there were only 5 pins at the end of the lane.  and the bowlers were throwing a ball the size of a croquet ball.  interesting.  well apparently in canada, their bowling is for children only.  but we had an awesome time.  especially when the blacklights came on for ultimate psychedelic fun.  

here are pictures!

"yeah im going to touch you"

suzie slides on her knees for professional control!

i dont even need to look where i throw it.  i dont know what suz is doing.

CHAMPION!

couple things:

1) its baloney that jeffrons pictures show up bigger than mine.  BUT WHATEVER OVER IT!

2) you may have noticed the SICK THREADS that jeffron and i were wearing that night.  and yes, they are spirit animals.  here is a closer look:

i will tell you the story on how we attained those beautiful shirts later.  and obviously it happened before this party and i failed to write about that awesome day because i have no idea when things happened.  SO the next story will be BACK IN TIME!!!1111onewon or whatever, ill tell that story quick and then jump to the future again.  i have no idea.  MORE STORIES TO COME! thats what i want to say.