Saturday, May 9, 2009

Jeffron the Immortal part 6

aaaaaaalright, this is going to be the final jeffron the immortal post!  i dont care if i miss anything, ITS GONE ON TOO LONG JEFFEY BABBY!!

ive been painstakingly working on this jeffron novel since march 28.  ARE YOU SERIOUS!!??  ive been working on this masterpiece (only to be fully appreciated many years after im dead like melville's moby dick) for 43 days!  i think my math is right...i dont really want to waste time on that crap.  honestly jeffron, these 6 chapters (though one was not really about you) has really made me hate you and regret our friendship.

but for the sake of my regular readers (martha and mom2) i will finish this quest of literature.

side note:  last weekend when i was in california (again, ill fill you in later) and saw my sister, she whined and whined like a little babby about not being mentioned in my blog enough.  ohhhhh im sorry MARTHA, i live in CANADA now so the frequency of our hangouts have been reduced to ZERO and thus the probability of you appearing in one of my adventures IN CANADA are about 1 in 234567898765432456787654.  it was really sad, ladies and gentlebabes, she came to me with a picture she drew in class.  it was a picture of me (she used a red crayon so it just looked like a crimson blob) on my computer writing in my blog and the quote above me said"

"ohhh i miss martha so much, ill write about her everyday, my fingers are sticky because of this cinnamon roll, martha loves chocolate, her dog sucks, it should have been named after me, graham the dog, thats what it should have been named, sam cant take pictures without closing his eyes, hes weird, i look like a fat thigh."

aside from her inability to NOT use a comma, i hated the picture.

i took it from her hands, ripped it in half and yelled, "MARTHA! you are 26! GROW UP!"......and then i pushed her.  she cried, of course, because shes a crier.

dammit, so far i have written nothing about jeffron.  OK GO GRAHAM!

couple highlights:

1) during jeffrons wonderful 12 day stay on my couch, we turned out to be professional movie watchers.  one of those movies was Watchmen.  it was very exciting and epic.  i remember it like it was a couple months ago, when jeffron woke me up one morning by heavily breathing on my face.  i woke up and he said, "graham, i want to witness something epic today."

i, of course, agreed and we set off to the internetz database to browse several options.  swinging bridge?? OH YEAH! wait, how much is it?........next.

so after house of searching and a dozen of tim horton donuts gone, we decided to just go to the watchmen which was playing in a big fancy theater in the middle of downtown.  we walk in and i go straight to the self serve (independence) machine to print my own ticket out.  i get my ticket and we go to the escalator to get them rrrrrripped and go upstairs.  since the theater is downtown, its several stories so save room.  i think theres like 4 stories of theaters, its pretty rad whatever 2009 vancouver, eat it everyone else.  my ticket it ripped and jeffron is right behind me, just admiring the view.  we go to the snack bar to LOAD up on carbs and soda so that our energy level is to the max while we watch this movie.  we have to wait in another line going into the actual theater.  dumb lines.  we get to the entrance and notice another meticulous worker checking tickets to this fine viewing so that no tricksters go into it for free. 

jeffrons hands are full of bags of popcorn and enough chocolate to guarantee my diabetic coma so he was unable to reach for his ticket.  not to worry! i was ahead of him and because i had a wheelbarrow full of malt balls and butternnaise (combo of butter and mayonnaise) i was able to park my gluttonbarrow and grab my ticket....jeffron just pointed to me and we got in.

we found some professional seats and began our pre-movie gluttonfest.  before the first preview was done, i had downed (extreme style) 2 liters of american mountain dew so my baby bladder was about to burst.  unfortunately i couldnt find my ticket stub (must have fallen in the butternnaise) so i asked for jeffrons.  jeffron looked at me with a glazed look across his face.  both in the sense of "graham, what ticket stub" and that his face had a centimeter layer of popcorn butter.

"come on jeff, you know, the ticket stub....your ticket that allowed you to be in the seat you are in now."

"uhh you bought my ticket, you have it"

"i didnt buy your ticket!"

after several variations of this exchange, we realized that jeffron some out slipped by not one but TWO ticket stops and made it to see Watchmen FOR FREE!!!1111onewon.

now, as you know, i get a lot of things for free, but theres no way around this one.....

oh well.  we didnt feel bad since we gave them a hundo-spot for 10 minutes under the slushy machine.

2)  SNOWSHOEING!!!  

one of the epic things we did was snowshoeing.  luke, jeffron and i took a day trip to cypress mountain to violate its show covered mountain side with our muscly white thighs and calves.  women love calves.  male calves for women are like air to anything that needs air to survive.  

so this day, the three amigos decided to work our calves HARD!  it worked.  i almost threw up.

it was so awesome going from the city that was nice weather, not that cold, and then 40 minutes later be in a place where theres 10 feet of snow.  HORRAY! THANKS VANCOUVER!

we hiked forever and made it to the TOP! BECAUSE WE ARE AWESOME.  ok, instead of writing about walking around, ill just let you look at pictures:







it was amazing.  at the top of the mountain, it was SO bright that i was useless at taking pictures.  i couldnt open my eyes to save my life.  exhibit a:



on the way down.  jeffron and lukey took the adventure to the next level.  and if anyone knows anything about BZL levels....then you will know that BZL levels and clothing are inversely related.  exhibit b:




i see no better way to end the JEFFRON CHRONICLES than with a picture of two dudes showing off their sexy summer bods IN THE WINTER!


for further pictures, check out:


3 comments:

Jeanne Damoff said...

Delightful as always and sure to secure your place among authors not appreciated until long after they're dead!

I laughed out loud several times, too, which means you get points. Butternaise. Jeffron's glazed expression and its cause. Martha's portrait of you. Your insights to the direct correlation between male calves and women. And more. I would add up the points, but I like math as much as you do.

Great photos, too. (Oh, and Jeffron is quite the photo editing whiz. Very believable shot of him and Buffy.)

Reading this blog always makes my day--or at least it makes my day on the days I actually get to read something on it, which should happen a lot more often. (Brazen hint.)

Love,
Mom2

ldamoff said...

If what you say about women and man calves i should have like 30 more girlfriends than i currently do.

love,
luke

Jeffrey Dwight Smith said...

Luke, You're mom has awesome taste in photography!

This rocks!