An Account on Dancing

Dancing.  a lot of people have very different images when they hear, "hey you like to dance...party?".  usually im open to all sorts of dance styles but theres one thats has been added to my rolodex of images recently.  and i dont know if i want it there or not.  lets dive into this a little deeper...

when i run into a mysterious man wearing a trench coat in a dark alley....he, on multiple occasions, either asks me, "do you like to party?" or "are you looking to party?".  the latter question just assumes that, like every other hot young human male, i like to party.  which is true but still, the question seems ambiguous and vague.  

as i take my sweet time trying to figure out what he means by "party", the mystery man is waiting patiently (and by patiently, i mean completely still and staring in my eyes......im not even sure hes breathing......no wait, hes just breathing REALLY hard).

after about 15 minutes of pondering my existence in relation to partying, the man finally screams, "DAMMIT GRAHAM!!  its the same as EVERY week....DANCING!! im asking if you are looking to DANCE!! you thick shit!"

"oh, right", i replied.  but then a series of images of dancing came to mind on what exact dance i was going to perform for the mystery man.  (i really need to stop going to dark alleys)

the good, bad, and the majestic rushed through my brain like mayonnaise through the mouth of a white person.  and by "white person", i mean that as racist as possible.

however, this week was different because a couple days ago....my sister informed me of a new development that my mother was taking on.  so this was a new image that may or may not have been welcome in my extensive dancing collection (get ready for an instructional video by Graham B in 2010...dont worry, ill have a picture in picture of a "less energy" version for senior citizens)

the story goes like this...

my sister comes home one day to let her dog out.  she walks inside to grab a delicious cheerwine to sip while she ponders the overly implicit use of human agency in regards to the church as an institution and the subconscious lack of faith in the holy spirit.  as she was in the middle of taking a satisfying swig from the glass bottle of pure joy, our mother enters the room....wearing spandex and a tank top while chugging a orange Gatorade thats probably 80% full of pino grigio.

to let everyone know....this sorta behavior is not normal so my sister was definitely caught off guard.  the only thing i can picture (unfortunate that im picturing anything at this point) is that my mom looks like a cross between Donna Reed and a brooklyn american apparel model.

after my sister collects herself she utters, "ohhh no.  what is that?"

to which my "normal and sane" mother responds with, "what? its cute! and im going to tap dancing"

my sister questions the validity of the previous statement and the next thing my mom says will either: 

a) inspire the children of the world never to let go of their dreams and to actually pursue happiness rather than just rent the movie. 

or 

b)  this.  

my mother responds with, "yes martha, im taking tap and jazz.....but this class is only to prepare me for the my hip hop dance class"

HIP HOP DANCE CLASS!!!!

YES PLEASE!!!

my sister screams as if shes won the lottery (which in many ways, has)

she told me that if there is an end of the year recital, i would have to fly in and watch mom hip hop dance.   ohhhhhhh the tables have turned....and its bullshit that mom get to participate in the better half of this.   instead of her watching our stupid piano recitals that are full of kids with one inch fingers as the parents are supposed to act "impressed" when the kids can reach the foot controls...now we get to look upon a "sick squad" of 20 year olds that has a 60 year old as the ring leader in the pop-n-lock section.  

no, i take that back...WE get the better half because it will be beyond amazing to witness this expression of true life wonder and glory.  and i might be exaggerating on the 60 year old part....my mom is only 59, she turns 60 in june.

my mother will climb her way up the hip hop ladder until she reaches the top as her new alias 60 cent....or what the cool kids say...siddy cent.  she will star in every major music video (or 15 second video blurbs on MTV)  and her unmatchable success will lead her to dance at such prestigious venues like: the white house, the superbowl, the opening of my hair salon: superbowlcuts, and lil bow wow's sweet sixteen birthday party (even though 21).  

unfortunately she will be involved in a north carolina vs rest of america epic dance battle that will result in her "winning" 100 hours of community service for correcting a police officer's lousy  posture by force.   she will claim that it was loving force (and even the officer's mother was happy about this) but this still didnt get her off the hook for "assaulting" the poor officer (who DOES have shitty posture)

she will tour the country giving hip hop dance lessons to various pre-teens all the while increasing awareness of the serious issue of childhood diabetes.  all in all, she will improve society.  no doubt.

SO! in conclusion i am proud of my mom and ESPECIALLY proud of the future mom that ive created in my brain.